Another Taste of Thin

I'm Baaaaaacccckkk

2010-01-04T12:00:00.004-05:00

Why hello there!

I'm creeping out of the hole I dug around Thanksgiving and happily jumped into the week before Christmas. While there I have been happily stuffing my fat face with shit and living a mostly sedentary life. Calories? What's that? Fat content? Who cares? Water intake? I'd rather have Diet Coke. Take out? Yes please, I would love fries with that!

Well we're back on the bus. It stopped by this morning and I hopped on. I'm safely sitting in row four and taking in the scenery.

The damage: 211 pounds this morning. Well damn. Not terrible, I kind of think it should have been worse but certainly not good. I've been avoiding my favorite jeans. I think they fit but I just feel bubbly, jiggly, and swollen so I don't even want to bother.

Gotta say, the theory that it's a holiDAY and not a holiSEASON is really just plain crazy talk. As much as I wanted to make it a day rather than a month, I found it to be impossible. Going out to eat, parties, lack of schedule and routine, all that stuff made it really hard. Not to mention the food served (cookies, pies, cakes, fudge, prime freakin' rib on Christmas day) I actually gave up. But now it's over so I'm back on track.

We're back on the bus. Hopefully y'all will come with me. There are plenty of seats!

In other news:
I'm still unemployed. Great!
The friend* sort of became the boyfriend last week. Between you and me he's going to become the ~~friend~~ really soon. It's just not working out and he's driving me nuts. Lesson learned: I'm probably not in a good place to be dating right now and I'm okay with that.
Lucy went back to live with her other custodial parent because I live at home and my mother is not okay with two dogs in her house. Tessie and I are managing the loss.
I had a nice Christmas and New Year's. I hope you did too.

Something positive: Back on the bus, baby!
Something negative: 211 sucks
Something for tomorrow: Stay on track!

The Christmas Cookies Have Taken Over...

2009-12-17T12:52:00.003-05:00

Ug.

Yup. Sister is off the bus.

I want to be on the bus, I do. But for whatever reason I keep pulling the string and hopping off.

Thanksgiving weekend kind of killed me. Then I was better. Then I went on that job interview and ate fish and chips. Then I babysat my cousin and ate chocolate cake and never looked back. I made dozens and dozens of Christmas cookies Monday and they have been the death of me. Not only was I eating a ton of dough, but now I can't keep my chubby hand out of the cookie keepers.

I haven't even been drinking water. Tuesday I think I had one glass of milk. No other liquids all day long! Maybe TMI, but my pee is super almost-orange yellow and I'm dancing the constipation line. Why am I doing this to myself? I know better than this! Unacceptable behavior.

Yesterday I had Arby's at 3:30pm and came home and ate chili for dinner like I was starving. Really? This is like Old Habits 101. Don't forget the dozen (at least) cookies I inhaled throughout the day.

And as for exercising...ha! It's been well over a week since I've done anything aerobically beneficial. I did run today but had such a shitty time that I cut off the last quarter of my run and just went home. Oh and did I mention that my thigh started to hurt about halfway through so I wound up walking half of it anyway? Poor performance, sister. All that hard work getting my body ready to run and for what? To throw it out the window by two weeks of inactivity and piss poor eating? Fuck that noise!

I'm getting back on the bus. Pronto. No excuses. No more Godfuckin'damn Christmas cookies. I'll let my mom's ass get bigger, not mine! Tomorrow I will elliptical. Saturday I will run before I go to Columbus for the weekend. While in Columbus I will make ~~good~~ excellent decisions. I will drink at least two water bottles each day. I will do this. No more unacceptable behavior. I can't handle it.

Weigh-In

2009-12-14T22:28:00.002-05:00

Things have been a little busy around my happy little nest these days. They say that all this hustle and bustle is a holiDAY but really, it's a season and my life has functioned as such the last few weeks.

Regardless, I lost another pound! 214.5 pounds as of this morning.

I did this by eating chocolate cake and doing baby bench presses. No lie. I watched my six month old cousin last week a few days and this kid needs to be held as much as possible. My aunt rewarded me by making my favorite chocolate cake. How could I say no?

Really though, I need to hop back on the bus. I haven't been doing so well with eating and exercising and while it's not showing, I'm waiting for it to rear it's ugly head with a vengeance. Let's not let that happen, okay?

I've still got that exciting, thoughtful blog brewing in my brain. I just need to put it down. Soon. I promise.

Tomorrow is running and sugar cooking cutting, baking, and decorating. That oughta go well for my waistline.

Something positive: Yay for chocolate cake and a pound gone.
Something negative: I'm a terrible blogger.
Something for tomorrow: Be your own taskmaster.

Not Quite What I Was Hoping For

2009-12-08T23:53:00.003-05:00

I know I promised a big blog today, but it's not gonna happen. Started, but not gonna happen.

I'm tired. I have to wake up early tomorrow (to babysit my baby cousin and hopefully make some much needed money). I spent some prime blog time today shopping with my friend and purchasing Glee Volume 1 and 2. Let's just say my life is complete. Well, maybe not my life but at least 2009.

Plus, I have some writer's block. Even what I'm writing here doesn't feel like it's flowing. With any luck I'll be able to work it out tomorrow.

In general, I ate well at home and ran today. Then I went to Chili's for dinner and ate too much and paid for it later. Let's just say my stomach no longer handles soft baked cookie bars with chocolate and caramel sauce with a big honkin' sphere of ice cream on top. Nope. I had to use the Walmart bathroom. Those of you who have used a Walmart bathroom know that you only use it for emergencies and only when your bowels are ready to seriously unleash their fury. Woof.

So anyway, stay tuned.

Something positive: I'm happy about running and I'm happy I learned a lesson.
Something negative: Tiredness, writer's block, Walmart bathroom
Something for tomorrow: Back on track!

Weigh-In and Discussion on Cereal

2009-12-07T14:37:00.003-05:00

Can you believe that I've been at this for eight weeks now? That's crazy talk! Saturday will be exactly two months. I've had some ups and downs but I haven't stayed this committed since The Great Weight Loss of 2003. Sweet!

As of today I've got 14.5 pounds to show for it. Yup! That's a loss of two pounds from last week and a half pound from my lowest weigh in two weeks ago. And that's with holidays and some travels and job interview hoopla. I'll take it!

Today I did 20 minutes/300 calories on the elliptical. I still can't decide if I like it or I hate it. I think I love it when I'm using it and for the rest of the day after I've finished but once I sleep I go back into the I hate the elliptical mode. Granted, when I wake up I'm typically in the I hate exercising and dieting and want eggs fried in real butter with toast with more butter and thick sliced bacon (not super crispy) served to me in front of the TV mode, so that could be a glitch. I do love running. When my groin area doesn't hurt (I think I pulled something yesterday-must stretch!) and it's not snowing and 25 degrees, that is.

I ran out of regular Cheerios last week and Honey-Nut Cheerios have a smaller serving size. I can figure how many points in a one cup serving but I just haven't had the gumption to do so quite yet. I'm guessing it's going to be on the heavier side of two points. Because I wasn't feeling like a mathematician today I had Cornflakes instead with strawberry slices. I'm not so sure how I feel about that. It's definitely not Cheerios and doesn't hold a candle to my #1 favorite cereal of all time: Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I kind of felt like my grandpa eating Cornflakes this morning. Not to mention the fiber was no where near where I wanted it to be. I need to get some Total or even just bring up the dreaded box of Kashi Go Lean from the basement pantry. Yuck.

What cereal do you eat for breakfast?

Lunch was four points worth of french onion soup (Progresso) and cheese and I'm probably going to dive into a pair here in a little bit. Pork chops, roasted potatoes, and green beans for dinner. While I'm here, let me say that two ounces of pork chop is so so so not a lot. I am currently defrosting a six ounce lean pork chop. That's nine points! I'm hoping that as it defrosts it loses a little bit of frozen water weight and weighs less. It's rackin' up my points, let me tell ya. But I suppose today I have some to spare.

I have a big blog brewing in my head. I think I'll save it for later this week. Get excited. =)

Something positive: Currently I love the elliptical.
Something negative: It would be sweet if the muscles between my girlie bits and thighs could stop hurting. Please?
Something for tomorrow: How about running, eating on plan, and maybe even drinking enough water. Come on sister, you're not fooling anyone.

Still Here. Barely. But Hanging On.

2009-12-06T17:15:00.005-05:00

These past few days I have been a terrible dieter, runner, blogger, and especially blogger friend.

Sorry guys.

It all started with Monday and my body essentially shutting down and not allowing me to run. It was actually kind of scary and definitely discouraging. Tuesday I was giving myself a break and Wednesday I was headed out of state where I planned to take a run when I got to where I was going so I could see the sights and stuff.

Ha. Yeah right. That didn't happen. It was raining and I'm not running in the rain the day before a job interview, especially when I planned on attending dinner with my possible boss. No way am I going to a preliminary dinner with sweat and rain soaked hair and blotchy skin. And there wasn't time to shower anyway. No run. Rather worrying and Facebooking.

What did happen was that I had delicious fish and chips. Yeah. 100% fried in some sort of sinister Irish grease. Oh, don't forget that I finished that off with some fried pound cake (as if pound cake wasn't bad enough on it's own) sitting on top of a pool of vanilla cream and topped off with sweet liquor soaked berries. Wonderful in my mouth? You best. Great for my waistline? Hell to the no! I got back to the hotel and attempted a run on their treadmill. Now, I've never used a treadmill. I decided I hope to never use a treadmill again. I just didn't like it. I was bored, I couldn't figure out a decent pace, and I was full. Additionally, I kept watching the numbers and that only makes me realize how far I really need to go. Not good. I left after half a mile and about six minutes of running. I laughed back to my room as I went up the side stairs so the front desk dude wouldn't be able to judge me as I slinked back so soon after I entered.

I had a good breakfast on Thursday and a portion controlled lunch but I was starving and on the road by the time dinner rolled around. I stopped by my brother's place and made him by me dinner at Noodles and Company. Good food but my choice of Pad Thai was probably not the healthiest. Better than their Macaroni and Cheese but I should have gotten something with more veggies. I did a lot of walking on Thursday but no real exercise.

Friday I said This is it! This is the day! I will be running! Instead I drove to Walmart, bought a bag of Baked Tostitos Scoops among other things, and later that day polished off half the bag with my homemade salsa. Way to go sis. There was no running. There was obsessing about thank you cards and emails and job opportunities. And pumpkin roll. There was definitely pumpkin roll.

Saturday was a big fat fail. I was stuffing food in my mouth left and right. It was like there was something inside of me that was just insatiable. Oh wait. There was. It's call my big fat uterus! Gah! I went to Primos with a friend for a later lunch and they serve potato chips on the table with this delicious ranch dip. Put a basket of chips in front of this girl when her favorite auntie is visiting and you can basically kiss them good-bye. I also polished off a cup of clam chowder and half a turkey rueben (turkey, melted swiss, and coleslaw on buttered rye with some thousand island dressing-heaven!) and I definitely had three bites of my friends corned beef ruben. Let's be honest there...I've only had corned beef once or twice in my life but the salty deliciousness that is corned beef hit the spot like nothing I've ever eaten before. Again on Saturday, while there was shopping, there was no running. There was more pumpkin roll.

Today has not been good for eating but I went running! It felt good once I got going. It's about 35 degrees here and the first eight minutes or so were just terrible. Hard to breathe, hard on the legs, hard to keep going forward with the cold wind holding me back. But I did it. Just under three miles in 32 minutes. I'll take it!

Eating today...ug. Started off this morning with a thin slice of, you guessed it-f'in pumpkin roll (which let's be honest-I'll probably polish it off tonight). After church (yes! I went to church today! A Unitarian Universalist Church in Akron. I enjoyed myself and will quite possibly return. I think that's another blog though.) I went to Cracker Barrel where I shared a meal with my friend. Sharing is good. Putting butter in your grits is probably not so good. Tonight I had Barberton Chicken for dinner. Don't even get me started. It's been a terrible day for eating. Terrible.

Tomorrow we'll see how much damage I did. I think the bus got a flat tired this week. Hopefully it will be fixed tomorrow. Like I told my mother tonight, I have to stay on the bus this week. I have to. No questions.

Other things I have to do this week: run a bunch. I have goals, my friends and my week off from running put quite a damper on what I need to take care of (30 more miles and 14 more runs by December 27th). I have to get back into my ab workout and/or find another. Oh and don't forget the elliptical. I'm pretty sure it's gathered some dust.

Something positive: Hey, at least my tastebuds are happy.
Something negative: Hello! Did you read this blog?
Something for tomorrow: Be a better blogger friend. I haven't visited/read/commented at all lately. I'm sorrry!

Battery is Dead!

2009-12-02T07:38:00.004-05:00

Minor crisis this morning: My scale's battery is dead.

You know how I feel about my scale.

I'm breathing deeply and I'm going to get through it.

I'm heading to Kentucky for the night for a job interview. I'll be back tomorrow evening. I'm not sure what I'll be eating but I brought my running clothes with the hopes that I can get a small workout (or even a walk) in before it gets dark.

If you are a praying person, please pray for me. I need it in the most serious way.

Something positive: Though the battery is dead, I think I'm handling it well.
Something negative: The battery is dead!
Something for tomorrow: Knock 'em dead, sister!

Quick

2009-12-01T17:22:00.002-05:00

I'm successfully on the bus and this thrills me to no end!

Wanna know what else thrills me? I put on my pink pinstripe powersuit today and it fits perfectly! It makes me feel so good I'm using alliteration. Woo hoo! This NSV is especially wonderful considering I have to wear it on Thursday...

No exercise today (my legs are thanking me) but I've been cleaning up around the house. I'm on a roll!

Crock-pot beef roast with potatoes and carrots for dinner.

Looking forward to going to bed early tonight.

How are you today?

Awards and Weigh Ins

2009-11-30T15:15:00.003-05:00

I got an award! Thanks Foodie Girl!

The Rules & Regulations are as follows:

1. Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass the award on to five most deserving bloggers (see below).

2. Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whom s/he has received the award (check!).

3. Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link to The Scholastic Scribe, which explains the award.

4. Each blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr Linky List. That way, they'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honor.

5. Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

And the Awards go to!
1. SheZug at One Year, One Girl
2. Tara at Pass the Tofu
3. Paula at Paulawannacracker
4. Nancy at Easy to Be Thin
5. Tony the Pink Panda at I Don't Want to Die of a Heart Attack when I'm 25

Congrats to these folks and those of you who already received The Supervior Scribbler Award from another blog.

Now on to other things...

I weight 207.5 pounds today. Yeah, it's a gain of 1.5 pounds but after my terrible weekend of horrible eating, I'm okay with that. I can only move forward, right?

I planned on running today the 3.6 miles to pick up my car at my dad's work. It's freezing. My legs, I think, are completely done. I could hardly run at all. I walked the whole way. Tomorrow is a day for sitting, I think.

I'm back on the bus and that's always nice. Cheerios and skim milk for breakfast. Tuna salad (tuna, olive oil mayo, caraway and seseme seeds, red onion, celery, garlic, salt, pepper, parsley, and lots of dill) on toast with a slice of cheese and an apple for lunch and for dinner we are having grilled chicken salads. I'm also getting ready to make some of my salsa. I love the stuff. I can (and do!) eat it with a spoon. It has been a little harder today. I want salt and crunch like potato chips.

Something positive: I'm sitting on the bus! Good new, right?
Something negative: My body is spent. Over trained? Maybe I'm getting sick? I need to get some serious rest.
Something for tomorrow: Take it easy and focus on good food so we can get back to where we need to be.

Ug

2009-11-29T20:27:00.004-05:00

I am ex.haust.ed.

And I'm so not on the bus today. Maybe I didn't check the schedule but it seems to have dropped me off last Wednesday night and I'm waiting here for it to come back around and pick me up.

If you see my bus, please let the driver know that I'm ready to get back on and continue the ride.

I think I may have another damn shin split but this time on the outside. No good.

Tomorrow I am running/walking 3.6 miles to pick up my car. My dad, who conveniently let his dumbass friend drive his 27 hour old Mustang GT and wreck it, has no vehicle at the moment. Yeah. Read that again. Uh huh. My dad got his dream car at about 1pm on Tuesday and by 4pm on Wednesday it was wrapped around a tree. Hence the visit from the Drama Llama's Mama and the emotional eating Wednesday night. Awesome. So he has to take his unemployed daughter's car to work tomorrow and I'll run up there (literally) and get it tomorrow.

Note to friends: Don't let your friends drive your dream car. Especially when it's a V8 manual transmission and your friend typically drives an automatic that maybe has a V6 engine. Especially when it's raining and chilly. Especially when you and your friend are leaving a bar. Yeah...

Something positive: Tomorrow is a new day right?
Something negative: I'm trying to be a Happy Helen but right now I'm sort of a Depressed Diane with some Cranky Cindy mixed in. Clearly.
Something for tomorrow: Hopefully that bus will stop by and pick me up tomorrow.

Weekend Update

2009-11-28T17:06:00.004-05:00

I feel like I have so much to say about the last few days. I guess we'll just go day by day because I don't see any other way to do it. Here we go!

Wednesday:
My BFF came into town! She's my favorite Texan and we met at The University of Georgia in grad school. We became roommates and fabulous friends. She inspires me to lose weight because she's always eating healthy (as most almost registered Dietitians do) and she LOVES the gym. Anyway, after grad school I came back to Ohio and waited eagerly for her to finish which she did, a year later. Just my luck, she moved to Kentucky and now lives exactly five hours away.

I've been counting down the days till she arrived and on Wednesday I woke up totally pumped about seeing her. Then the Drama Llama's Mama came strolling into town and long story short, she brought some family issues that included car accidents, angry parents, and a daughter in the middle. Great! Once everything was finally under control (several hours later) my Texan arrived and we left for a later dinner at Olive Garden with the friend*. I was hyped up and in the mood to emotionally eat. And so I did. Calamari with peppercorn sauce, Olive Garden salad (which is horrible for you! boo!), one breadstick and a half plate of shrimp formaggio manicotti stuff later, I was stuffed and swollen with sodium overload. Don't get me wrong, it was delicious but all so wrong for the lifestyle change. We had a delightful time and at the end friend* sent me a text message in which he informed me that he may have a crush on my Texan. Well of course you do! She's a thinner, brown eyed, Southern version of me! We are hiking on Sunday and I'm sure this will be a major topic of discussion. Details to come.

Thursday:
My Texan and I woke up early, put on our running shoes, stretched and drove to Akron for the four mile Home Run for the Homeless Run. Let me tell you, I did not sleep the night before. I was so completely, utterly, deliriously scared of not finishing or being the last one. I was definitely not the last person. There were over 3,000 people registered and 1839 runners and walkers completed the race within the hour and fifteen minutes aloted. As I said yesterday I finished at 52 minutes and 30 seconds. I placed number 1761, so while I certainly wasn't a fast runner, I finished and I wasn't last! As per C25K, I was supposed to run 25 minutes straight. I actually ran over 35 minutes without walking and that includes up and down plenty of hills. One loop I was the only one running in the group I tended to keep pace with and I took that as an accomplishment. At 35 minutes I walked up a terrible hill that my car wouldn't have liked to drive and that took me only two minutes. At the top of the hill I went back into my jog and finished the race. Not bad, right? If you go to about 5 minutes and 45 seconds in the video below you'll see me finish! I'm number 1584 and I'm wearing a brown t-shirt and a white hat and yes, I did finish giving that other chick a dirty look for charging past me 90 miles and hour after I passed her just a few minutes before as she walked slowly. She (and a few others) did that the whole time. Run run run ahead and then get tired and walk so slowly. When you pass them they start to run again. Really? Pace yourself people. Anyway, enjoy taking a look at me, if you so desire. My Texan finished at just under 46 minutes in place 1645. We were proud of each other.

Afterwards I felt like we deserved an Everything bagel with cream cheese and it was delicious. We found ourselves ravenous by 1:30pm and got snacky. Bad bad. I had already decided that I was not going to count points or "diet" on Thanksgiving. I was going to trust my tummy and eat as I saw fit. I did and I was happy and filled up with yummy Thanksgiving food. I found myself ridiculously tired and crazy sore fell asleep sitting up on the couch like a senior citizen, reading your blogs. The next morning my new nickname was Grandma. Great.

Friday:
No early morning shopping for me but mid-morning shopping I did do after a fabulously healthy breakfast of veggie omelets and fiber toast. I got a White Chocolate Mocha (non-fat, no whip) from Starbucks and then felt guilty for those unnecessary 350 calories but you'll have that. Mid afternoon we were back home and I burned 300 quick calories on the elliptical and then put on my pointy toed, three-inch stilleto heeled Nine West boots and went to the rich person mall. I tried on an XXL dress at Ann Taylor Loft and low and behold-it was too big! Then I tried on a pair of size 18 ATL jeans and other than they clearly were not the right cut for my body type, they fit! NSV? Yes, please!

Dinner was Cheesecake Factory and I ordered a Chicken Tostada Salad all dressing on the size. Good thing I got the dressing on the side because later I found out that the whole salad is 25 f'in points! I hardly had any of the vinaigrette but I did slurp down the tomatillo sauce, avocado cream, and a little bit of the sour cream so I think I saved myself a lot but still. It was delicious! So good! So filling! And I had a third of a low-carb cheesecake with strawberries. Bad? Maybe but it could have been so much worse!

Today:
Hello binge mentality! How long do you plan on sticking around? As our veggie and turkey omelets cooked I ate cold stuffing, extra turkey, and some pumpkin roll, plus I insisted on making white bread toast and using real butter. Douche bag. Hey, it happens. The binge continued this afternoon but at least then I had Baked Scoops and homemade salsa (sliced fresh tomatos (some whole, some deseeded), a jalapeno (mostly deseeded), lime juice, garlic, cilantro, red onion, salt and pepper in a food processor. Refrigerate at least and hour so the flavors come together) so that was better. I think I'm back on track. I ran today for 30 minutes straight today (about 2.5 miles) with a two minute warm up walk. I feel pretty good. I need to go hop in the shower so I we can leave soon to get salads at TGI Fridays. Yum!

All-in-all, my schedule has been different this weekend and my eating has sort of sucked. My workouts have been okay, though I'd neglected my abs completely. With the holiday and meals outs and just generally having my friend here, I'm finding it difficult to stay on track, but I'll get back there soon. I'm expecting a gain on Monday (I'll probably be at 207 pounds or 208 pounds) but I'll take it. I'm not going to get down on myself. Just take it and move on.

Something positivie: I'm happy for having My Texan here and for delicious food! Oh and did you hear that I completed a four mile race? I'm a runner!
Something negative: I wish my delicious food was non-caloric.
Something for tomorrow: Back on track? Yes please.

Today's Race Teaser

2009-11-26T13:17:00.001-05:00

Current Facebook Status: ran 4 miles in 52 minutes and 30 seconds this morning. I'd say that's pretty good for a fat girl that doesn't run when a man is chasing her with a gun! Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!

More to come later.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving

2009-11-24T22:38:00.004-05:00

I'm currently waiting for pumpkin roll cake to cool so I can dump it out of the jelly roll pan and roll it with delicious cream cheese frosting.

I love baking. I'm a pretty amazing baker and an even better cook. But for real, y'all, spoons kill me. I know that everything I made tonight is going to taste fabulous. The cake is perfectly spiced and the cream cheese frosting has a lovely vanilla flavor. How do I know? Because I have this crazy need to scrape the bowl after I've already put the cake in the oven and lick all the spoons and beaters. Ug! Why do I do that? I know I shouldn't but it's like a reward for slaving away with measuring cups and eggs.

I ran today (two sets of 10 minutes) at the park burning 465 calories. I've eaten perfectly today and I was totally on track. Then the spoons entered my life. At this point what is left to say besides "oh well"? Exactly.

At least everything tasted good. I can't wait to dig in on Thanksgiving.

In other news, why is it that my Weight Watchers Daily Food Companion lists every single soup except Italian Wedding Soup? It has shark fin soup and ox tail soup but no regular Italian Wedding Soup. Ridiculous. Have no fear, I found the nutrition info online and plugged it in to my online points calculator.

Tomorrow is hopefully another day on track. It's my day off from running/elliptical/anything really involving my legs so I can be better prepared for my race on Thursday. I am going out to dinner with my BFF (visiting from Kentucky!) and my friend*. I'm not sure what is happening with my friend* but I'm feeling the need to see more of him...I'll keep you in the loop. Anyway, sister will be eating light during the day in preparation for wherever we eat at night. This will be the start of an excellent extended weekend. Can't wait.

Something positive: Yay for staying on track most of the day and having a great run.
Something negative: Boo for spoons and how they kill me.
Something for tomorrow: I've been waiting for tomorrow forever! Behave!

Weekly Weigh In

2009-11-23T08:16:00.006-05:00

I've been awake for all of eight minutes right now but in that eight minutes I've already walked to the bathroom, peed, and hopped on the scale for my weekly weigh-in. This has been the Monday routine for seven weeks right now. I've had one initial weigh-in and after today, six wishing/hoping/praying weigh-ins.

I drank my water yesterday and stayed within my points, though I did have a Bubba Burger, which rings in at 11 points just for the hamburger patty. Add the bun and some cheese to it and basically, kill me now. But I accompanied it by some one point veggie soup so I hoped it kind of evened out the situation. I ran in the morning and did my ab workout at night and thought about jumping on the elliptical, but after hearing my mother tell me that was unnecessary, I changed my mind.

This morning my hands felt a little puffy and my new ring definitely fit perfectly rather that sort of loose. Uh-oh. Water weight. Fabulous! That's just what I need!

As I prepared myself for a less fortunate number I reluctantly stepped on the scale and closed my eyes. After a few seconds I opened them and then I did a little dance right there, mostly naked, on my bathroom scale.

206 pounds!!

I ate McDonalds twice this week(end). I had movie theater popcorn with butter. I ate Chinese buffet.

Then again, I ate sweet potatoes, chicken breast, veggies, and Cheerios. I ran three days, hopped on the elliptical three days, hiked, and worked my abs six days. I drank lots of water this week, probably my most consistent week to date. Perhaps I earned this!

A while back during my anti-goal rant I made a list of numbers I'd like to see on the scale. One of those numbers was 207 pounds. This number is important to me because I haven't seen below 208 pounds on a scale since 2004. Usually my diets get to 208 pounds and I jump off the bus for whatever reason.

I beat 208 pounds. No, I blew 208 pounds right off the scale. In fact, even while weighing myself every day I did not see 208 pounds (I jumped from 209 pounds to 207.5 pounds yesterday). Times like this my Agnosticish self totally recognizes that there is a God and he is on my side and helping me out along the way.

My next "Number I'd Like to See" is 199, obviously because it's my welcome into Onederland. Will I reach this next week? Definitely doubtful. Will I reach it soon? Yeah, I think so. I might even jump straight to 198, which is my 10% mark. In my weight loss challenge my goal was 195 by December 23rd. Eleven pounds in 4.5 weeks? Eh, that's pushing it. But I might be able to come close!

I'm adding another "Number I'd Like to See" and scratching off the number I already saw (or really missed completely). I'm throwing 190 pounds on the list. Why? Ha! That's my driver's license weight! Would it be nice to say you're lying because you weigh less rather than more? One of my friends is probably 100 pounds over here driver's license weight. She has no desire to update her photo ID, and I don't blame her. I wouldn't either. But ya know, once I move on to maintenance I will definitely be changing my license whether it's time to renew or not.

So, anyway, woo hoo! Yay for wonderful numbers, healthy eating, a little indulgence (perhaps the high-fat food was just enough to shake up my metabolism?), and definitely for exercise enjoyment. An additional yay for hiking since my friend* and I are going again this afternoon.

Super yay for Thanksgiving. I can't wait!

Something positive: 206 is my favorite number!
Something negative: I am fearing backlash next week...
Something for tomorrow: Stay strong and stay on plan for Thanksgiving is soon approaching!

Weekend Recap

2009-11-22T16:11:00.004-05:00

Saturday morning I woke up and felt okay with my impulses the night before and I allowed my guilt to dissolve. I honestly don't think I went mad crazy over my flex points throughout the whole ordeal so I can't get too down on myself. I maybe took a step or two back but this is a forward moving journey so I'm going to keep headed in the right direction.

Yesterday I had Cheerios and skim milk for breakfast with apple slices and peanut butter. I did my ab workout and I cleaned the house. No serious calorie burnage but cleaning (mopping, vacuuming, moving furniture around) can be hard work. I was being healthy and trying to make up for last night's mini-bender.

Then I went and saw New Moon. First of all-holy cannoli! What a good movie! I recognize all the [serious] flaws in the Twilight movie but because of the connection I have with the book I will always, always love it. New Moon blew Twilight completely out of the water! The action was excellent and the special effects were great. The actors and acted like their characters rather than awkward, immature, pained versions of Edward and Bella so I was delightfully happy.

I broke down and got a small popcorn. Their small is probably five cups so it didn't break the Weight Watchers bank but they did put butter on it without asking me. While I should be upset at that fact, I was actually relieved because if the popcorn dude were to have said "would you like butter on your popcorn?" I probably would have broken down in tears at the serious moral dilemma that the situation would have become for me. Seriously. The whole time I was in line and I kept thinking butter or no butter? butter or no butter? and could not come to a decision. My popcorn was delicious and was well within my points.

Afterward my friend and wanted to go somewhere and talk about it and the only place around was McDonalds. So we went. For the second time in twenty-four hours (barely). Ug. I was hungry for dinner so I ordered a four piece chicken nugget kids meal. I think I made a good decision there. Yes, MickyD's is terrible, but if you're going to eat there, a kids meal, especially a chicken nugget kids meal is the way to go. I was proud[ish] and full. The nuggets were good and the fries, again, were excellent.

I came home and cleaned some more and then did 20 hard minutes on the elliptical to burn 302 calories. I was sweaty and satisfied with my life.

I picked my parents up from the airport last night (another trip to the Caribbean without their favorite daughter), and my mom told me that I look like I'd lost a little more weight. Sweet! She rewarded me with a Tanzanite ring. Not really, but I am wearing a new Tanzanite ring because I have the best parents in the world, and they love giving me early Christmas presents. She asked me my ring size before we left and I told her that my high school class ring that still fits is a size nine. She got this ring in size 8.75. It's sort of loose. That's pretty sweet. Hopefully I'll be able to wear it on my middle finger soon. NSV? Definitely. It's kind of like this but with a thicker band. Don't I have awesome parents?

C25K update: Week 6, Day 1 went well this morning. Five minutes, eight minutes, five minutes of running. It seemed a bit difficult at a few points but I made it. I am so ready for this four miler on Thursday!

Something positive: Awesome parents, forgiving mistakes, and Week 6
Something negative: McDonalds. Ug.
Something for tomorrow: Stay on track this week! Thanksgiving is almost here!

Weightland, We Have a Problem

2009-11-20T20:51:00.006-05:00

I'm craving. I am intensely craving a personal pan pizza and breadsticks from the Pizza Hut Express at the local Target. I'm also craving a Redbox movie from Giant Eagle but I'm not as concerned by that.

It started with this idea of pizza and a movie with a friend(*). No one was available. Fine, I thought. I'll come home and watch some HBO and be okay.

I'm not okay.

Then the thought of grabbing a pizza from Target sounds delicious. Pan baked deliciousness.

It's kind of a hike at this point and that's the ONLY reason why I'm still sitting here.

My need for a personal pan pizza just grew when I thought about Pizza Hut breadsticks and marinara sauce. Even though it will keep me up all night, diet coke sounds fabulous.

I'm choking here. Choking. I had Chinese buffet for lunch. Did an okay job but definitely consumed three fried cheese and crab rangoons. Bad job. But they're my favorite. I thought I could be done for the day (I ate around noon) but now I'm experiencing real hunger pains in my stomach.

Shit shit shit. Remember the double cheeseburger craving? Quite similar.

Gah.

I'm am quite happy in the way I channeled 100in12 with my subject. Didja like that? Not quite and cute and easy but I snickered.

But really, back to this craving.

Guys, I think I'm giving in...

Update: I went to Target to find that the Pizza Hut Express was closed. That's okay because Giant Eagle has fried chicken and mashed potatoes in their cafe area. Hey, that was also closed. I walked slowly through the store trying to find something. I kept reminding myself that I went out for pizza so I spent a long time in front of the frozen pizza. But I didn't want frozen pizza. I wanted fast food and carbs and cheese and grease. Where does that lead us? To McDonalds. I drove in the Wendys/McDonalds shared driveway and turned into Wendys. I could get a taco salad, right? Well, no. I didn't want a taco salad. I drove around, turned into McDonalds and ordered a double cheeseburger big kids meal. Fail.

Since I bought it, I decided that this time I was going to slow down and enjoy each bite. I did. The french fries were absolutely amazing. The double cheeseburger, eh, not as good as I wanted it to be, but it served its purpose. The fries though, they were perfect.

The whole time I was driving and walking around the store, I kept reminding myself how shitty I feel after I overeat and/or eat junk. Yeah, that didn't phase me. I don't know why.

This is like alcoholism. Even though I know that it's going to hurt me later, I do it. I wake up and say I'll never, ever do it again because feeling like shit sucks and I need to remember this feeling. Well, I remember it but it doesn't seem to matter. This is scary. Really, really scary.

20 Minutes!

2009-11-20T09:26:00.004-05:00

I just ran a full 20 minutes non-stop.

Can you believe it? I certainly can't! If you would have told me five weeks ago that my fat ass would be running continuously for 20 full minutes I would have laughed at you and ordered a pizza. But today, I ran a full 20 minutes.

This sense of pride is just amazing. I can't wait until Thursday when I run in the Home Run for the Homeless race. Yes, kids, you've heard it here-the BFF and I are running in the four mile race Thursday morning.

I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so scared! <---Bonus points to anyone who tells me where this is from.

Really though, I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to a lot in the next week-today is Chinese food with my aunt (broccoli chicken broccoli chicken broccoli chicken) for lunch and then The Blind Side with my friend and her mama this evening. Tomorrow I'm going to see New Moon and cleaning this house from top to bottom since the Parents are coming home. Sunday is Week 6, Day 1. Monday is another hike with my friend*. Tuesday is Week 6, Day 2 (and something else...can't remember). Wednesday is race registration and my BFF comes to town! Thursday is the race and Thanksgiving! Friday is a girls day with grad school friends in Cleveland! And Saturday, who knows, but since the BFF will still be here, probably a movie and/or some College Gameday (even though I haven't much cared about college football because it came apparent that The University of Georgia was going to bend over and take it up the ass all season), and I'm probably going to make us run for 25 minutes for fun. Sunday we start all over again. =)

Speaking of UGA, as an alumni I'm incredibly sad to hear about the loss of Uga VII, our dear mascot. His father, Uga VI passed away the summer of 2008, and this was only Uga VII's second season at the young age of four. I shed a few sad tears last night for Uga VII and the Bulldawg Nation. Like all the University of Georgia mascots, he was a damn good dog!

Something positive: 20 minutes! 20 whole minutes without stopping!
Something negative: My heart goes out to the Seiler's, the University of Georgia, and the entire Bulldawg Nation.
Something for tomorrow: Remember portion size. Skip the popcorn.

I get by with a Little Help From My Friends

2009-11-19T12:30:00.005-05:00

Thirty-nine days ago when I started this weight loss thing I sought out the blogs of others who were attempting this weight loss thing too. My thought was that others could inspire me and motivate me to stick with it. The first day Allison at Operation: 365 became my first follower. She said in her first comment something along the lines of how followers help her with accountability. So true, Allison. So true.

Right now I have 19 followers and a few other friends that read on their own. I totally appreciate that! This time around weight loss hasn't come easy for me and if I didn't have people watching and caring about what I do I probably would have given up already.

I also love what I've found here. I follow a few cult blogs-I love Jack Sh*t's lists, stories, and remixes and I love to see what Bitch Cakes has to say as I picture her riding her bike around NYC in a vintage skirt and kitten heels (by the way-isn't this woman GORGEOUS?). I wait around all day to laugh at whatever my friend at 100in12 is up to. Lyn at Escape from Obesity always has something motivational to say. I just started following Tony the Pink Panda at I Don't Want to Die of a Heart Attack When I'm 25, and I'm sad that he's taking (what sounds like) a much needed physical, mental, and emotional break from weight loss but I'm looking forward to his hilariously honest return. SheZug at One Year, One Girl is working her way through a Paleo diet, and I'm fascinated by the concept and the plan she's using. A fellow Weight Watcher and C25K and new Nike+ user, Andrea at A Cake for a Wife is total truthful and she's come a long way-something for me to look forward to. Eszter at One Forty Five and I have the same body shape and she's also an aspiring runner. Clearly we must be blog friends. When I'm running I think about The Incredible Shrinking Sharon. She started running when she started this weight loss thing and now she's a real runner with battle scars to show for it. Not that I'm looking forward to falling someday, but I just think that's she's awesome and beautiful. When I think about being a real runner, I think about her. Tara at Pass the Tofu is a wonderful and supportive friend, and I credit her with getting me here. There are others...Paula at PaulaWannaCracker, Chubby Hunny at Free from Fat, Foodie Girl at For Me, and others that are here for me and I'm here for them. I would highly recommend you check out some of these blogs if you need some new reading material.

Oh and Dree! Where the heck are you? I'm concerned at this point! You can't just disappear! Which is another reason why I keep coming back. Even if I'm having a bad day, I don't want you to think that I've thrown in the towel. Accountability, y'all.

All of this being said, I also love comments. Sure, I don't leave a comment on every blog I read but if I have something to say, I say it. I LOVE reading your comments and because you took the time to write, I made it a personal rule last week that I will write back. Go back and check if you wrote me a comment. Dialog and conversation is important to this process as is respect.

Finally, finally, I have to tell you about one more blog. Jenn at Watch My But Shrink! writes daily about her life and her process. She's honest and calming and I love to see what she has to say whether it's about her weight loss, her family, or something else in her life. She's also been on Who Wants to be a Millionaire and I think that's pretty amazing too. She's so awesome that once in a while she has contests and giveaways and she's currently holding one for Jillian Michael's books. Go check her out! Someday I hope to be famous like her and hold giveaways too. Hopefully. =)

Thank you to the blogs I read, the individuals that follow me, and the people that leave me comments. You're keeping me going.

Something positive: Weight Loss Friends!
Something negative: What a gloomy day...
Something for tomorrow: Pump yourself up for the 20 minute run tomorrow!

This is How I'm Supposed to Feel

2009-11-18T12:52:00.002-05:00

Today I am on Week 5, Day 2 of C25K. I didn't bother to take a close look at today's plan but I thought it went something like 5 minute warm up walk, 5 minute run, 2.5 minute walk, 5 minute run, 2.5 minute walk, 8 minute run, 5 minute cool down walk. I completed the warm up walk and started jogging when I heard the chime. After taking yesterday off and swigging some pickle juice before I left, I felt great! Then I realized how far I'd gotten. I checked the time and tried to do some math in my head. I kept running and waiting for the chime to tell me to walk and while I wasn't in bad shape, I was well aware that it was taking longer than normal but only because I'd gone such a distance. Once I heard it I checked the time-I just ran eight whole, entire minutes without even realizing it!

Then I started recalculating and I walked. I figured I still had a five minute run and an eight minute run left. When I heard the chime to run again I went for it. I had no idea how much time it was taking me but I knew again I was covering a lot of distance and didn't feel like I was running out of steam. When the chime went off again I was absolutely surprised to hear it was the final chime. Imagine my shock! I just ran two sets of eight minutes without feeling like dying. I hardly even checked the time during this run and that to me is an achievement in itself. This running this is actually starting to grow on me and my Facebook status actually says "likes running...?" Ha! Amazing!

I have a friend who runs half marathons. She thinks it's neat that I'm running and wants me to do the 10K portion of her half marathon in May. I've already decided that if I finish this program I'm definitely jumping in to a 10K training program from Nike+ and hopefully I'll be ready by May! She encouraged me to sign up for a 5K and I actually looked this morning for one in the area. There is a four mile race Thanksgiving Day and my BFF will be here and she can be a runner once in a while. While I know I'm not ready to run four miles, runners have an hour and forty five minutes to complete the course and I know I could do that. Next week I'm due for a 25 minute run so I could definitely at least run half the course. Think I should do it?

Today I also ignored the ab quivering and did a tummy workout again, this time to the stylings of The Biggest Loser. Let's lose the tummy, huh?

I feel like I'm getting myself healthy and healing from the inside out. My lungs feel good, my immune system is at 100%, my legs feel strong and lean, my abs feel like they have new life, and my stomach feels light and airy rather than too full and heavy. I feel great. I need to remember this forever and ever.

Something positive: Runner's High!
Something negative: Now, only if the scale would help me out a little here.
Something for tomorrow: Elliptical? Yes, please.

I love my abs! I love my abdominals!

2009-11-17T19:40:00.005-05:00

10 points to anyone who can tell me the ridiculousness that the subject is referring too!

Since my calfs (calves? someone help me out here!) are still pretty tight, I decided to take a day off from anything that remotely makes them move. They actually feel pretty great right now and I'll be ready for my C25K run tomorrow.

Last night my friend came over and we were discussing weight loss. I was showing her my legs since they are semi-skinny and super toned at the moment and that caused her to sit back and take a good look at all of me. She made the comment how slim/non-existent my hips are but how I've got all this tummy. Finally! Someone sees what I see! She determined I needed to do sit ups STAT!

I hate sit up, crunches, leg lifts, whatever. It makes my tummy quiver all day because, in reality, I don't have abdominal muscles. In light of our conversation and the fact that yes, my tummy is what's holding me back, I pulled out the ab roller, turned on this weekend's episode of Tough Love and wiggled around the floor for a while. Ten reps each of regular crunches, side crunches, full sit ups, and leg lifts, four times. Ug. I'm quivering and I'm hoping that tomorrow morning I miraculously wake up with an inch off my waistline. A girl can dream, right?

Dinner tonight was lovely-Asian inspired marinated chicken, baked in the oven, with a sweet potato and broccoli and carrots. I have enough points left for a Dove Dark Chocolate Square and a mini bag of popcorn to watch with So You Think You Can Dance in a bit. Yeah, I don't watch The Biggest Loser on Tuesday nights because it's much easier to stomach when I can watch it at a later time and slow-fast forward through the majority of that show. Anyone else agree that TBL can be an hour and a half or even only an hour long? Right after the commercial break they always repeat the last 30 seconds of what they showed before the break and the suspense at the weigh in is just too much for me. Do-do, do-do, do-do! That's my TiVo in action.

Something positive: I'm so looking forward to my popcorn tonight!
Something negative: Where are you all tonight? It's been mighty quiet today...
Something for tomorrow: Think we're doing Chinese for lunch. Behave.

Weigh In and Weekend Update

2009-11-16T12:05:00.005-05:00

I've been at this junk five weeks now. As of this morning I weigh 209 pounds for a total weight loss of 11 pounds. I'm trying to be like a Biggest Loser contestant and say "I'll take it" for a lower than wished for weigh in. However, when they are just taking it they are talking about five or more pounds. I'm talking about a pound and a half. I'm happy with where I am, but when I look at everyone else's blog and they are losing three, five, or NINE pounds per week I get a little discouraged, especially since I used to do that. I used to drop weight like nobody's business and now I'm really, truly trying, exercising more than I ever have, and it's just not happening like I expect. A little bittersweet.

But okay...I've lost 1.5 pounds this week and 11 pounds in five weeks. I'll take it.

Okay enough of that. I went for a hike on Saturday!! I have been craving a hike. We've been having unseasonably warm weather on the weekends the past few weeks and I've been wanting to get out in nature and walk and breathe and feel good. So I called a friend* and Saturday we hiked at one of the metroparks in the area. It was a lovely day. It was a lovely hike and I saw lots of runners, people of all ages, and dogs. I was happy to leave the Twisted Sisters at home and it was quite enjoyable to not have to worry about them pulling or barking or having to clean up after them. We walked about two and a half hours and my friend* told me that we went 10 miles. Since I didn't bother to notice the little mile markers I suppose I have to take his word for it but I think we went closer to eight miles. We kept a nice pace but I'm fairly certain we didn't go 10 miles in two and a half hours. Regardless, it was perfect and just what I needed. We plan to do it again soon.

Let's talk about my friend* for a second...our mutual friend hooked us up this summer and we tried dating but it just didn't work. I think he really liked me but I just couldn't feel the chemistry. When he turned 30 he spent the next three years drastically changing his appearance-he lost a bunch of weight, got lasik eye surgery, and had his teeth/mouth reconstructed (his mouth was in bad, bad shape before that). He grew up really insecure and shy and even after his transformation, he still holds on to those feelings even though he looks good. I can't deal with someone that is insecure at this point in my life. I'm pretty secure with myself most of the time and while I understand that everyone has some issues and I can totally help and be there, I can't do that for someone that I feel I may take advantage of. He's afraid of upsetting people and while we were doing that dating thing he never ever disagreed with me. I could have probably said that I eat baby brains each day for lunch sauteed with garlic and olive oil and he would have said Gee, that sounds tasty. That doesn't work for me. I need someone to disagree with me from time to time and put me in my place once in a while. I'm too strong and will take advantage of you without even realizing it. I can't be romantically involved with someone like that. I told him the night that I explained to him why I wasn't interested that he's a great guy and I'd like to be friends. I think he gets that a lot but no one ever follows through. He was surprised when I called him Friday night and I was surprised to find how fun he is when there's no pressure to kiss me at the end of the night. Win for all! I'm looking forward to seeing him again. I think that we could be good friends and good for each other.

Week 5, Day 1 of C25K is over. I did it. Got my fastest time yet but I wasn't feeling it today. Just not in the mood. Hopefully I'll be in a better mood Wednesday. I thought endorphins were supposed to be released after a workout? Normally I'd say they are. Ug. Not much to say about that...

I also did 20 minutes of the elliptical yesterday morning and ran/walked a quick mile last night. The elliptical gave me a greater workout than I expected and that's a good thing! My thought that it was going to be an easy workout led me to do a shitty job of stretching so my calf muscles are like tight little rocks right now. I just ate a few pickles and drank three swigs of the juice, and I've been stretching every chance I get. Today I ran through the pain and tightness but this needs to fix itself. Any tips?

Something positive: I'll take it.
Something negative: My minor funk today. I'm in a funk. Ug.
Something for tomorrow: Get out of the funk. Please.

Dare I say, Exercise Cravings?

2009-11-13T14:18:00.003-05:00

After falling off the couch due to giggling too hard, I decided to write a blog, since I've officially received a "Are ya still with us?" comment. It's been since Tuesday since I've updated, and yeah, I'm still here! I've just been busy! A friend of mine broke his leg a few weeks ago and he's had several doctor appointments that led to a surgery yesterday. Since I'm the cool kid with the SUV and he can't ride comfortably in a regular car due to the external hardware on his leg, I've been driving him to his appointments. His wife and I literally load him into the back of the car like cargo. It's interesting and time consuming-yesterday I was at the hospital from 7:15am till after 5pm. But hey, I'm unemployed so why not?

Eating this week has gone okay. I've dipped into my flex points each day this week, but only by two or three each night. Not bad, right? The flex points are there to use, and I doubt I'll be using all of them in one swoop like the past few weeks so I'm okay with it.

In terms of exercise, I'm having a great time. Wednesday I got in my C25K run after waking up, eating some breakfast, and watching The Good Wife (love this show!), and I was in a hurry. I actually ran faster thinking that I could get it done faster. Ha. That's not how the program works, but thanks for playing! I had my best time-13 minutes, 4 seconds, per mile. Not bad! Today I set my alarm to wake up early to get my run on, but I paced myself a little more. Still made great time, but running upon wake up isn't that great for me. It takes me a while to get my lungs expanded, and I don't think I can fully stretch my muscles until I've walked around the house for an hour or so. But I did it. Next week is Week 5...one day of five minute runs, the next with an eight minute run, and the final day with the much feared 20 minute run. Scary? Yes. Am I ready to make it my bitch? Absolutely.

I really wanted to be hypnotized on Tuesday night by Susan Hepburn and wake up skinny. Unfortunately, that lady has an incredibly calming, soothing voice and well, I fell asleep. I feared the same fate on Wednesday and Thursday, plus Wednesday and Thursday are the best nights for television so I didn't even attempt. Maybe tonight. More likely tomorrow. I promise you'll be the first to hear about it.

Last night I tried the Pilates for Life: Pilates on the Ball DVD. Now I used to have an exercise ball. I used to sit on it and roll a round a bit and once and a while maybe I'd do some crunches. I figured that I could do some pilates using my mom's exercise ball. Ha! What a damn joke! I had to quit halfway through because I was laughing at myself too hard. I'm not sure if the ball is too big for my short legs (most likely culprit), it's slightly deflated (also highly possible), or I'm just that out of shape (I hope not), but the ball and I did not get along. Sitting on the ball was fine. Moving around on the ball, not so fine. I slipped and slid everywhere, and these too zombie like ladies (is that what pilates zen looks like? If so, I don't want it!) wanted to you breath a certain way and well, I was inhaling when I was supposed to be exhaling and holding my breath without realizing it. Then they wanted me to scoot down on the ball and lean back, putting most of my weight on my feet. Now, I'm doing this in my brother's old bedroom. There is a bed and a desk, and I'm trying to make this work in the middle of the room. I'm slipping pretty terribly. I take my socks off. This makes it worse. I slid and slid until finally I slipped all the way off the ball quickly and wound up performing a near spread eagle on the corner of the desk. Ladies and gentlemen, if I had manly parts my ability to have children would have been severely compromised last night. I took a deep, relief inspired breath, and then busted out laughing. The I stood up, I'm pretty sure I said aloud "Fuck this noise," and cynically ejected the DVD.

Next was the Jillian Michaels Complete Body Workout. I did it for a while but then got bored at the pace, plus I was already tired from wrestling with that damn ball. She really takes the time to show you how to do the moves and explains why you are doing them. That's great, but I want to move quickly. I watched each cycle and thought out my options. I think that I want to write all of the moves down with reps and do them on my own with my iPod so I can have some great tunes in the background. I only watched Frontside and I still have Backside and Cardio Kickboxing to try. I've taken a few kickboxing classes in my time and I really think I'll enjoy the DVD. I'll let ya know.

I'm starting to get antsy about exercise on my non C25K days and I think that's a good thing. I'm looking for something to do. My dad cleaned the elliptical off for me today. I'm hoping to hop on that next week but I think I need something that is more strength training. I don't really know what I'm doing here.

I do know that I'm dying to go on a nice hike. Anyone want to come to Ohio and join me? This weekend is supposed to be lovely. We've got some great metroparks in the area!

Something positive: Getting the exercise craving!
Something negative: Sorry 'bout the lack of blogs, friends.
Something for tomorrow: Find a friend and take advantage of the weekend!

Non-Scale Victory and Not so Victorious Butternut Squash

2009-11-10T18:42:00.004-05:00

I had a little NSV last night. I wore a pair of jeans that I haven't been able to button while standing in a year and a half! Exciting! I wore them last night and I'm wearing them again right now. I'm not saying they aren't tight and semi-uncomfortable, but they are buttoned, my biscuit (AKA: my big fat stomach roll) isn't bulging too much and they actually fit my ass, hips, and thighs! For this, I will gladly deal with some pressure on my gut.

Maybe TMI, but I asked my mom if these jeans gave me a camel toe. I didn't think so but they actually hug me in places that I'm totally not used to so I wanted to check. First I had to explain to my mother what a camel toe actually is. Awkward moment number one. Then she said, and I quote: "Oh that? When I was your age that was the goal!" Thus, awkward moment number two. I think I this conversation took a few years off my life.

Now back to the skinny jeans...I am apple shaped. Between my shoulders and knees is where I carry all my fat and most of it is in my stomach area, both upper and lower. I've got some junk in my trunk and I definitely have a large rack, but my hips and waist kind of blend into one. I've always had sex calves (calfs?) and I don't really complain about my legs at all (except my inner thighs-I've had a complex with them since I was about four). I've lost this weight in my legs, outter thights, and ass. So all my old jeans still fit my waist (nay definitely loose) but look incredibly sloppy on my ass and thighs. Uncool. These jeans, while tight on my waist, make my hips and thighs look tiny and my ass look defined. I'll take it!

I had crab bisque soup for lunch. Don't really know how many points but after some googling I think I consumed about six of them.

I made butternut squash as a side dish for dinner. I will not be doing this again. Though it's pretty similar in flesh texture and color, it is definitely not the same as a sweet potato. It would probably taste delicious with lots of real salted butter, a bunch of brown sugar, and a hefty sprinkle of cinnamon. I don't know if you heard, but I'm losing weight these days so lots of butter and brown sugar is not quite an option. So, butternut squash is no longer an option for my tastebuds. Nope.

I did, in fact, go the library today. I got myself a library card and a few DVDs. I couldn't find the 30 Day Shred but I got a three disc Jillian Michaels set with cardio kickboxing, frontside, and backside. I also got pilates with an exercise ball, because I do have one of those, and weight loss through hypnosis. Ha. I'm going to watch it tonight before bed. Review tomorrow.

Something Positive: Library card and Skinny Minnie Jeans
Something Negative: Butternut squash and how I supplemented the disaster with more potatoes
Somthing for Tomorrow: Hypnosis. Yes.

Week 4 C25K Update

2009-11-09T14:20:00.003-05:00

Today's run went something like this:
5 minute warm up walk
3 minute run
90 second walk
5 minute run
2.5 minute walk
3 minute run
90 second walk
5 minute run
5 minute cool down walk

Last week the three minute run was a little touch and go. It never really seemed to get easier and I never stopped, but it was hard. I went a whole lot slower than I'm used to. I was sure that I was going to try this week and not be able to get through the five minute runs and have to repeat the week.

Instead, three minutes were easy. Five minutes were definitely more difficult but I never stopped! I may have checked the time every single 45 seconds but my legs kept running and I even chose to run up a hill. Go me. I'm so awesome.

Tiger Woods let me know that I clocked my fastest mile at 13 minutes, 9 seconds. Super wow considered I'm feel like I'm piddling along at the slowest pace ever during these intervals, which is typically right around 11 minutes while running. When I was doing the 90 second intervals I was definitely under 10 minutes. But who really cares about that, right? I'm doin' it.

I made some delicious dill tuna salad with toasted seseme and rye seeds, celery, onion (though not delicious pretty red onion), olive oil mayo, garlic, and salt and pepper. Fabulous lunch after a fabulous run.

So really, are ya running yet?

Weigh In Woo Hoo!

2009-11-09T09:26:00.003-05:00

I was fully prepared to come here and let off a string of expletives comparable to a Lewis Black rant. There was going to be s-words and (lots of) f-bombs and probably some SOBs and dam-breaking too. I fully expected to have a very angry morning.

But instead, I'm singing songs from Oklahoma! and munching on my cheerios with skim milk and sliced banana with glee. Yup. No cussing. No anger. It's such a better kind of morning.

210.5 pounds. Woo hoo!

Not only did we lose weight, but we broke the plateau! That feels absolutely amazing. I feel like I can accomplish anything today! This is motivation.

Today is Week 4, Day 1 of C25K. Are ya running yet? Ya should be. This run has me jogging for 5 minute straight, twice. Ordinarily I would be dreading this. Today my motto is "bring it on, baby."

Oh what a beautiful mor-nin'. Oh what a beautiful day. I've got a beautiful feelin', everything's goin' my way.

Something positive: Um, did you see that I only weight 210.5 pounds today?
Something negative: Now, if I only had a job...
Something for tomorrow: Maybe we'll go to the library, get a card, and perhaps check out Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred? Perhaps...

Today's Wrap Up

2009-11-08T19:48:00.003-05:00

My dinner was so delicious that I had to blog about it.

Baked boneless, skinless chicken breast with honey mustard
Baked sweet potato with cinnamon and butter flavored Pam, half for tonight, half for tomorrow
Frozen snow pea, cauliflower, and carrots with butter and herbs

Then I had a half a banana and a Dove dark chocolate square to bring my points to where they need to be today.

So far I've consumed two and a half water bottles today and I will finish this current bottle before bed.

I walked with my friend again. About two miles. Slow walk, but still I got some exercise and got a chance to take advantage of this gorgeous weather.

I'm going to take tomorrow's weigh in by storm.

Something positive: Delicious and nutritious dinner!
Something negative: I'm not sure if there was anything today!
Something for tomorrow: Dream Thin Dreams Tonight!

Ode to Rye

2009-11-07T17:14:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I went to Amish Country with Mother Dearest. I love Amish Country. It's a nice drive, especially in the fall, and it's filled with all sorts of goodies. This time we decided to go the the cheese factory first to do some pricing. I sampled. I definitely sampled. Any type of cheese you want, it's there and waiting for you to enjoy. Grab a toothpick and dive in. Lucky, the chunks are teeny tiny so I really didn't consume a whole, whole lot. A damn tour bus of urban senior citizens and their teenage grandchildren arrived and though it was ultimately entertaining to watch a whole bus full of people who have clearly never been so far out in BFE in their lives be in absolute shock after watching the Amish men with their beard covers make cheese, we took the sudden congestion and high prices (for Amish Country) as a sign to leave. At the next place we (and by "we" I mean my mother) definitely dropped $50 on fresh cheese (Swisson Rye and Baby Swiss), fresh sliced ham off the bone, and lots of dried herbs and things-caraway seed (rye!), cayenne pepper, parsley, cinnamon, poultry seasoning, and sage. I also picked up some flax seed because rumor has it, it's good for you. What I didn't realize is I should have purchased ground flax seed. So now I've got all these whole little flax seeds and nothing to grind them down with. I guess I'll just have to chew real hard. Such is [my] life.

We got home right around dinner. We decided not to eat Amish food but instead get Chinese food. So not only was I still definitely veering off Operation: Low Carb but I was making a stop at Club MSG. Sweet! Or not. Broccoli Chicken and fried rice was deee-licious, but shortly thereafter I definitely developed a very serious Monosodium Glutamate inspired headache.

Chinese food is just like going out for a nice of heavy drinking and dancing with the girls. It's so much fine at the time, but afterward you're worn out and probably hungover. In my case, I had a headache and woke up puffy and thirsty and a pound heavier. I've been guzzling the water all day and feel better. Never mind that I had leftover pork lo mein for dinner tonight...sometimes we just never learn.

This morning I woke up and made eggs with my new Swisson Rye cheese and some caraway for extra yum. I LOVE rye. It's probably my favorite flavor. I discovered rye bread probably in high school. I grew up on just wheat bread. Didn't have white until I was a teenager, I think. But when I had rye bread I realized what love truly is. Since then if it has to do with rye I'm going to do it. This includes rye cheese. This definitely includes fantasies about all that I can mix with caraway seeds. I'm excited about having some in my pantry. I also heated up two small slices of that ham and an English muffin. Breakfast of the Gods. Oh yes.

Today was b-e-a-utiful! It was warm and sunny so I grabbed a friend and the dogs and we went to the park and walked for an hour and a half. Slow walked because it what what we needed. The dogs played and chased squirrels and we caught up on our gossip. Perfect day.

Something Positive: Yay for beautiful days and rye!
Something Negative: Flax seed...I tried!
Something for Tomorrow: 3-4 bottles of water! At least!

Low Energy-Notice No Exclamation Points

2009-11-06T11:15:00.005-05:00

Week 3 of C25K is finished. Hallelujah.

This week has been listless. Especially yesterday, I have not been energized to do anything. I want to cuddle under the covers in bed and snoop on Facebook or lie on the couch with the dogs and watch movies and this is pretty much what I did yesterday. I planned on cleaning the house and doing some laundry. Ha. That certainly didn't happen. I washed my sheets and gave the dogs a bath. My bathroom is still gross. Nothing is dusted. The vacuum cleaner is still lonely in the closet and the carpet is still coated in dog hair, if you get close enough to look. Yesterday a walk did not happen. I had originally planned to do a week 1 or week 2 run. That thought was clearly a joke.

I didn't want to move today either but I did. Week 3 is officially completed. I should be in the shower right now but again, I'm listless and instead I'm sitting in my (two) bra(s) and undies on my bedroom floor wishing that I wasn't sweaty so I could crawl into my warm bed with clean sheets. Facebook and Blogger is so much more enticing.

I'm still at 212 pounds. Operation: Low Carb has successfully rid my box of the two pizza pounds from last week but I really think I should have busted 212 out of the water. I am dying to see 211 pop up on that scale. Dying.

Amish country today. Probably stopping for some delicious Amish food. Flexpoints, anyone? Oh, and if I lose a battle with Operation: Low Carb today, I think it will be forgiven. I'll still win the war.

Here we go again...
Something positive: Week 3 is over
Something negative: 212. Least favorite number ever.
Something for tomorrow: Do something. Clean. Walk. Run.

Philosophy of Motivation

2009-11-05T12:14:00.004-05:00

I had a conversation with a dear, dear friend last night about how I've gotten back on the weight loss bus and have been riding for a while. She is one of my friends that absolutely inspired me and has lost a significant amount of weight twice on Weight Watchers (with a baby in between). She took a bit of a weight loss sabbatical this summer and when I jumped back on the bus, we drove to her house and honked the horn a few times. She peaked out the window and got a little curious and even came out to the porch to say hi. She thought about hopping on the bus and where it would take her but I think we came to the conclusion last night that she's just not ready to jump aboard and take a ride.

We've all been there, right?

I am aching for my friend to join me. I want (need?) larger friend in real life to talk to about this stuff. Sure, I've got one other friend doing Weight Watchers and we talk all the time but she's starting from a much lower weight than me this time around, not to mention she's a gym fiend and we all know how I feel about that. We're just a little different. I have other larger friends but one I don't think has the current knowledge and support to give it her all and the other has absolutely no desire to make any changes whatsoever in her looks and health. That's okay. My larger loser friend (who may eventually get a name) though, she's just not ready. She has the knowledge and she can visualize the future but as she's walking past her daughter's Halloween candy, she can't say no. I know what that's like and it's all too familiar. But why can I say no right now and she can't, even though she said no for 80 pounds not too long ago? The science of motivation really confuses me.

So what motivates us to lose weight and commit to diets and lifestyle changes. I've said before that I start Weight Watchers every Monday. I'm not kidding! Typically I start a diet and soon fail, stating that I'll start again the following Monday. This usually goes on for six weeks or so. Once in a while, it sticks. I jump on board. I do it for a month or so and feel a little bit of accomplishment, until I fall off the bus and tell myself each Monday that I'll wake up and walk to the closest bus stop. This, again continues for several weeks. I might walk to the stop, but rarely do I get back on board. How could I do it for a month or more but not have the motivation to continue after one indulgent night?

I've been doing this thing for 25 days now. Almost a month. Despite my recent difficulties, I think I'm still going strong. I'm planning on being on the bus for quiet a while. But who is really to say that my motivation will stick with me? How can I be sure that one day, the double cheeseburger will really motivate me more than the thought of building a house in onederland?

How do we do this?

First Snow

2009-11-04T10:29:00.003-05:00

ATTENTION! ATTENTION!

Sister just went running in the snow.

Yes, folks, you heard it here. Not only is the Someday SkinnyMinnie actually sticking to this C25K plan (Week 3, Day 2 wo0t!) but she faced the elements today to reach her goal.

I'm cold. I'm wet. The dogs are pissed. But I've burned off my breakfast already! I'm definitely depressed that I witness the first snow of the season but I'm happy that I said my terrible horrible words and then got out there and did it, fogged up and dripping wet glasses and all.

Who needs to see when you're running and have your trusty unruly puppies to lead you?

Operation: Low Carb is going well. I want a donut, a piece of buttered italian toast, and a loaded baked potato, but I'm hanging in there. It seems to be working but tomorrow or Friday will be the real test.

Today is a day for friends as Wednesdays typically are. Taking one friend and her husband to the hospital for a doctor appointment. He has 4 pins and three external metal rods holding his leg together and I have the SUV that can best transport him. I'll grab some snack (apple, cheese stick) and definitely remember that water bottle. Then home for dinner (grilled chicken salad) and off to see RENT with a great friend of mine. Excellent day.

Speaking of waterbottles, I've been using a Smart Water bottle that I keep refilling. I like the shape (good for my smallish hands), size (33 ounces) and the small opening that causes me to generally not spill it all over myself (a la Nalgene bottles). I need something a little more permanent. Any recommendations?

Attitude Change

2009-11-02T14:26:00.002-05:00

I just completed Week 3 Day 1 of C25K.

5 minute warm up walk
90 seconds running
90 seconds walking
3 minutes running
3 minutes walking
90 seconds running
90 seconds walking
3 minutes running
3 minutes walking
5 minute cool down walk

Those three minute stretches scared the begeezus out of me but I made it! I slowed my pace based on my current attitude and energy level and success! No stopping! I was a slow, slow 30 mintues but now I actually feel accomplished and active. The complete opposite of how I felt earlier.

One point french onion soup with two points worth of cheese, one point apple, and two points worth of peanut butter later and I'm feeling on track.

Weigh In Woes

2009-11-02T10:11:00.003-05:00

I'm back to 214 pounds.

I'm not very happy with this. I guess I expected it but it's so incredibly frustrating.

Sure, I had a two days where I indulged but two pounds worth? Come on! I'm one of those people that thinks about bad food and gains half a pound. Gaining is really easy for me (until I reach 225 pounds and then I can eat whatever the hell I want) and losing is proving to be increasingly more difficult as I age.

Definitely dropping carbs this week. Hopefully that will kick my metabolism into gear. I had egg whites with mushrooms and onions and a half cup of cottage cheese for breakfast. Lunch might be french onion soup minus the crouton. Dinner, I already know, is steak and asparagus.

I need to go running. Hopefully that will put me in a better mood, or at least give me a bit of energy. I'm cold and tired and overall grumpy today.

Pizza Pizza

2009-11-01T17:41:00.005-05:00

Three pieces of pizza just went down the hatch. At least it was veggie pizza (mushrooms and black olives, yum!) but it was still covered in delicious cheese with a not-so-healthy amount of grease pooling on top. I'm already bloating. And I'm starting to get a headache.

This morning I channeled my dear, dear Longhorn Lizzy and made myself a delicious omlet for breakfast-one egg, 1/2 cup egg whites, a little bit of cheese, some turkey, and some lightly sauteed asparagus, onion, and mushroom. Totally healthy! I was planning on having a healthy day so I could weigh in tomorrow feeling great. I was going to drink three 33 ounce bottles of water and take the dogs for a walk. Tomorrow was going to be fabulous.

Then my mother convinced me that we needed to go to McDonalds for ice cream since we were already out. I gave in and had a three point vanilla cone. Ug. The beginning of the end.

I've actually had an okay weekend as far as eating has gone too. Yesterday I ate well-eggs and toast for breakfast, a little bit of pasta salad in the afternoon and soup and crackers for dinner. It was totally within my points. With the all the candy that was circulating I'm proud to say that I only had one piece of candy-a mini Crunch bar.

Then it was suggested that we order pizza for dinner. I gave in. I said "okay, that's fine! Order me veggie please!" and that was that. I took two pieces to start-12 points. I can handle that. After those went down I got hungry for another. I waited for my stomach to catch up with feeling full. It didn't happen. I stared at the pieces left in the box. Then I hear mother dearest tell me to just do it. So I did. Three pieces later, here I sit.

Not gonna lie-it was delicious. Right now I wish I would have stuck with two pieces. I'll remember this.

I should go for a walk, but daylight savings has kind of kicked my ass. I'm really tired already and it's pitch black outside. Plus, my damn stomach and head hurt. I know the dogs will like it but ug.

I need to drink at least one more water bottle. I should aim for two like I planned and hope that it curbs the amount of sodium I've consumed this evening.

In other news, I've been no lower than 212 pounds since October 23rd. For a girl that is eating (mostly) healthy and exercising I'm feeling like I should consider this a plateau. Should I? I recognize that it's been just a little over a week, but its also less than two weeks into what is a diet at this point and I'm already stuck? Really? So I'm going to try something a little new for a week to jump start my system. So this week has been deemed "Low Carb." I'm going to stay away from bread, pasta, and potatoes.

I'm open to opinions because I don't really know what I'm doing but I've been looking around and this is something that I've seen suggested.

Ug. Days and weeks like this make me throw in the towel. Not this time.

Fail and Shin Splints

2009-10-31T09:12:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I failed.

I knew that eating healthy was going to be difficult. I assumed that I would use my daily points plus all my flex points for the week and I was okay with that. Sixty points is a lot, though. I got up at 5:15am and ran my C25K with the dogs. As you read, Petunia Punkrawk died again so after another marathon charging session we were ready to go, better late than never. After my stretches I jumped right in the shower and drove to my dentist's office for volunteer day.

Sidenote: I have always loved looking at teeth. Every time I get the chance I've pinned others down on the ground and looked inside their mouths. This mostly has only happened to boyfriends since I don't want to lose friends over my weirdness but what I'm getting at is I love teeth! I should have been a dentist. Yesterday was the fulfillment of a lifelong fantasy. I got to play dental assistant for a day. I mostly cleaned and helped with x-rays but at the end of the day I got to actually assist with 2 teeth extractions! Awesome! I got a dot of blood on my shirt and everything. Really, it was the coolest thing ever. Okay, back to lifestyle changes...

There was a meat and cheese tray for lunch. I made myself a reasonable sandwich. I took a half cup of potato salad, a half cup of macaroni salad, and then two handfuls of chips. That was the first fail. I also consumed a cookie. Not bad, but not good either.

I was exhausted by the time we were finished (7am-5pm with constant patients is hard! I barely sat down at all). But I had to go volunteer with my other friend's Halloween party. I helped kiddos bob for apples (not something I would do in swine flu season but I left it up to the parents as to whether or not they were comfortable allowing their children to dive into a pool of possibly contaminated cold water) and passed out some candy. They had sheet pizzas and I took one very small square and consumed it because I was starving. I also had 4 Dunkin' Donuts Munchkins. Then I convinced my friend that we needed to hit up Applebee's where I happily inhaled a chicken fajita rollup and fries. I knew the fries were bad but I thought I could do so much worse.

I used 62 flippin' points! Gah! That's even two points over my flex points.

I'm trying not to feel guilty but I woke up feeling hungry, yet bloated. Next time I'll order seasonal veggies and skip the chips at lunch. Definitely skip the pizza and donut holes. Pizza was cold. Donut holes were stale.

In other news, sister has shin splints! WTF, man? I think it's my gait and I'll work on fixing that but this sucks! It hurts to touch. I contacted my google doctor today and it seems that I have medial shin splints and I'm a little angry about it. Since when is alternating walking and running in 90 second intervals with a 5 minute warm up and cool down walk considered overexertion? When you're fat, I suppose. I'm pissed off at myself and like I said, I pushed a slight change in my gait because I thought it would be better and I think that caused it. Two days off will hopefully help.

Something positive: I woke my fat ass up well before the asscrack of dawn to run. That's devotion.
Something negative: Shin splints and eating away from the home.
Something for tomorrow: Stretch, stretch, stretch, drink some pickle juice (just a bit) and don't forget your damn water!

Time Check

2009-10-30T05:43:00.003-04:00

Please note the time. Do you see that? 5:45am. As in, in the morning. As in I'm the only one in the world awake at this time.

Why, why, why would you do that, you ask?

Because I have a busy day a head of me and I have to get my C25K run in!

I am volunteer at my dentist's office today. She is doing some free work and the entire office is volunteering. Since I'm friends with some of the office, I get to help to! I LOVE look at teeth and the inside of people's mouths so really, this is the fulfillment of a true fantasy. I'm so excited!

I'm only here now because Petunia Punkrawk chose another lovely time to die. Technology...grrr...

Love me some Friday!

Double Cheeseburgers and Cravings

2009-10-28T16:21:00.006-04:00

Today I'm starving for grease. Actually, the past two days I've been starving for grease. I have visions of double cheeseburgers dancing through my head right now. Last night I made a pot roast and actually ate the leftover carrots right out of the crock pot with a spoon. Yeah. I had a big bite of mushy carrot and cold beef fat. It was delicious yet revolting. Now that I'm reading that, super revolting in a pure saturated fat sort of way. I just shuddered. I think I learned my lesson. That double cheeseburger is still dancing around though.

Let's talk about cravings for just a second. I've read that a craving will pass within 15 minutes. If you have a craving, drink a glass of water, chew some gum, and distract yourself. While I wouldn't say my double cheeseburger day dream is quite a craving yet (meaning I'm not pacing back and forth-sure laugh it up, but just wait!) but I've had cravings that do not leave. For example, right after the new year I was back on the Weight Watchers Bus. Week two, on a Saturday, I started craving a double cheeseburger right around 10am. Okay. Drink water. Clean. Watch TV. Eat some carrots. Organize desk drawers. Chew three pieces of Orbit. Pace. Eat a Cheeseburger Lean Pocket. Take a nap. Do some laundry. Have a diet coke. Pace. Call friends. Do some online shopping (I believe at that time it was Vera Bradley purses on E-Bay). Pace. Order steamed veggies and rice from China House. Pace. Take a shower. Pace. Watch more TV. Pace. 11pm and still the only think I can think about are those damn double cheeseburgers! So what does sister do? She puts on her huge winter coat and boots, gets in her car in a snowstorm (no lie), and drives her fat ass to MickyD's. She orders two double cheeseburgers, a large fry, and a large diet coke. Satisfied? Definitely. Puking the next day? You bet. Worth it? On the fence. On one hand, it was terrible for me and made me feel terrible the whole next day. On the other hand, it tasted so good and I could finally have my mind back to think about things other than the golden arches.

So what's a girl to do? Even eating a cheeseburger Lean Pocket didn't help. If I have a craving and I try to hold out, it just makes me want it more. By the time I give in to the overwhelming urge to be bad, I way overdo it. Help!

I'm waiting for the day when I crave healthy food. I want to crave a carrot. I want to jump for joy for an apple. Someday I hope to get to the point where when asked what my last meal would be I say steamed broccoli-no butter, plain brown rice, and a lean four ounce serving of broiled chicken breast with a glass of high quality h2o and one precise cup of skim milk with a cup of strawberries for dessert rather than two double cheeseburgers from McDonalds with a large fry, a whopper with cheese-extra pickle-from BK, a frosty from Wendy's, a medium chicken and bacon pizza from Pizza Hut, the biggest diet coke you can find, three Dove Dark Chocolate Bars, oh and a Chipotle Burrito (carnitas with rice, black beans, tomato and verde salsa, sour cream, cheese, and guac). Please and thank you. I'd like to say I could never eat all that, but sometimes even I surprise myself...

Today was my weigh in for my weight loss competition over on LiveJournal. I entered my initial weight last Thursday at 212.5 pounds even though the day before I was at 214 pounds, the day after at 213 pounds, and the day after that at yet another weight. I was so up and down last week. Today I could only enter 212 pounds. Little disappointing, sure, but I'm going to keep on keeping on. Next week, I'm hoping, will be brilliant.

I finished Week 2 Day 2 for C25K today. It was a rough start-first my iPod, Petunia Punkrawk, died right as I was getting ready to leave. This sent me into a sheer panic because I just can't run without my weird technoish Podrunner Intervals. Must to the dogs' confusion, we ran into the house and had a quick marathon iPod recharge session for 20 minutes. I played on my Nike+ profile so it wasn't completely wasted time. Ready to go? Yeah, except I got outside with dogs in tow and realized I didn't have my Nike+ adapter plugged in to my little Petunia Punkrawk. Several four letter words and a sprint to my bedroom and back later, we were finally off. Lucy did well. Tessa wiggled out just once (progress!) and kept up with the running quite well. I still don't trust her. Gentle Leader here we come!

By the time I got home, I was tired. My legs felt sort of numb, though I feel fine now. It's not anything I can't handle but am I scared for next week when I have to go two three minute stretches of jogging? Definitely.

I drank a diet coke today after my run. I needed a 0 point pick-me-up.

Oh, I had a job interview yesterday. Cross your fingers for me.

Positive note: Today has been all about good food choices and pushing saturated fats out my head and so far, so successful.
Negative note: When I have children addicting food such as double cheeseburgers will never touch their lips so they don't have fantasies about them as an adult.
Something for tomorrow: Um, excuse me? Where is your water bottle? It does not belong under your bed, missy, it belongs in your hand!

So Far Today

2009-10-26T15:35:00.004-04:00

The doggies and I started Week 2, Day 1 of C25K. Five minute warm up walk, 90 seconds of running, 90 seconds of walking to equal 20 minutes, then five minute cool down walk. I was nervous about this because last time I tried this I only made it though week two because I had such a hard time. It wasn't bad! By the end I was a little tired but I think it's going to be okay. Tessa wiggled out of her collar...I need to get a job just so I can buy her a harness (or if she keeps it up, she's getting a Gentle Leader just like her sister!) because it's just happening too often. I'm not even sure what the problem is. Sometimes she does it because there is another dog in the area and she's feeling social. Sometimes, like today, she just tugs and wiggles out. She stays close to me but I don't know that I can trust her for the entire 30 minutes to keep up with the walking and running part. When we walk I don't leash her and she lags behind and then runs ahead. I just can't do that when we run. Today, I bumped my iPod while I was putting Tessa's collar back on and it restarted the podcast when I was halfway through. I was pissed. I fastforwarded and tried to get back on track but I'm not sure if I got back to the right place or not. Oh well. I went for a full half hour and beat my fastest mile time, so I say we're good to go.

I'm very rambly today.

I made a tuna salad today. Two cans of albacore tuna, four tablespoons olive oil mayo, diced red onion and celery, salt, pepper, garlic powder, seseme seed, and dill. Each 1/2 cup is 3 points and it's delicious. Probably the best tuna salad I've ever had. It's all about the dill. I'm excited to eat it again tomorrow! With a piece of toast and a Gala apple, my lunch was perfect and surprisingly very filling. Gotta love that! Dinner is cheese ravioli and chicken Parmesan. I've got all the points mapped out and it should be yummy too!

In other news, I belong to the C25K community on LiveJournal and I have a little running buddy who started the same day as me. She posted an entry and I replied and she then replied and told me she expects a post from me. I wrote one today and said basically what I say here (I run with dogs, I love my Nike+, I'm also doing WW with the hopes of losing 80 pounds) and I asked why it could be that I don't lose weight on days that I run as opposed to days when I walk since it's clear that I'm burning more calories. Is it because I'm possibly gaining muscle? Well I got many replies already and the work day isn't even over. Now, I'm a Cancer and way overly sensitive, but I kind of feel like people were tearing me up a bit. Don't run with your dogs [Great, except for probably the only reason why I run is so they can get exercise too]. I shouldn't weigh myself everyday because I'll be setting myself up for sabotage [we've already discussed this]. C25K is not a weight loss program [so are you saying while I'm running and walking I'm not burning any calories?]. Muscle does not weigh more than fat and it's a myth that weight gain from muscle is good [um, no shit. Five pounds is five pounds. I didn't say that I'm gaining weight just that I don't lose when I run and my thinking is that I could be gaining muscle i.e. replacing fat with muscle]. Now, a couple of people left nice comments too, but see, that's why I don't use LiveJournal anymore. I feel like everyone is kind of snarky and out to prove they are better than everyone else. Over it.

Cheer me up, friends.

Weigh In Week 2

2009-10-26T09:36:00.002-04:00

I was worried about my weigh in this week. I haven't been the best water drinker this week, not to mention I've had some stomach issues this week. Loss of fluids plus lack of fluid intake is no bueno for weight loss. Thursday was hard on the making good choices front. Saturday was downright difficult. Yesterday, with my sumo wrestler breakfast, I thought I was going to fail, but I stayed with it, drank my water, and thought thin thoughts.

My weight this week has also gone up and down. I stayed at last week's weigh in weight of 214.5 pounds for a few days, then went down then back up then down further then back up...kind of like my eating, drinking, and tummy problems. Each day was different.

I started C25K and while I expected to drop weight quickly, I hardly dropped anything. My (nearly)registered dietitian BFF hypothesized that I was building some muscle. I concur with this because my clothes seemed a little bigger though the scale stayed the same. She encouraged me to stick with it and I will because I'm going to make myself a runner.

Today I woke up feeling thin. I was very excited to jump on the scale and hoping to see a 210 pounds. I didn't see that but I did see 212 pounds making this week a 2.5 pound weight loss with a total loss of 8 pounds. Okay! I'll take it!

Oh and on my mother's scale I weigh only 209 pounds! Gotta love that!

Positive Note: Any loss is a good loss!
Negative Note: Let's try to keep our stomach functioning normally, okay?
Something for Tomorrow: C25K...gotta do it. gotta do it. gotta do it.

Let's Talk About Goals, Baby

2009-10-24T20:58:00.004-04:00

Goals. Things to accomplish. We list them in our minds, on paper notepads and post-it notes stuck on bathroom mirrors, and some of us post them in our blogs. Sometimes we list things easily achievable; some times we list things we really have to work for. Sometimes we come up with goals that are completely unattainable or out of our control, and sometimes we create goals we have no intention of completing. I'm fairly certain most of us have goals in our lives in some way, shape, or form.

As I peruse the many, many weight loss blogs on this website, I see weight loss goals all over the place. Most people, like myself, have a ticker that lists starting weight, current loss, and goal weight. My final weight is at 140 pounds for a total weight loss of 80 pounds. I don't have an end date listed. On the contrary, I've seen people that meticulously list their weekly or monthly weight loss goals weeks and months in advance. I'm not sure that particular system would work for me as I get a little bent out of shape when I don't achieve my goals and I would probably crash and burn on a system with compounding expectations.

I've also seen people with reward systems in place. Five pounds and they get a pedicure. 10% and they get to splurge on a date night. Fifty pounds and they get new clothes. One hundred pounds and they get a beach vacation. Hey, good for them! Pedicures are something that I can't afford right now. Splurging on a date means that you have the potential to splurge on your diet too, plus if you have a date are you really going to tell him if i lose these last two pounds by Friday, sure! You wait 50 pounds to get new clothes? You're probably looking pretty schlumpy by the time you pull up to the mall. Maybe I'm being overly critical right now. I'm just not sure goals with rewards are for me.

Here are some significant numbers for me that I am looking forward to seeing:
~~207 pounds-I have not been below 208 pounds since 2004 all of my diets, plans, and lifestyles changes tend to die right around here.~~
199 pounds-This is less than 200.
198 pounds-This is 10% of what I was when I started this.
195 pounds-The only goal I've set and I'm fully into competition mode for this one. It's not a personal goal, it's an I-will-win-and-show-these-other-ladies-what's-up goal.
190 pounds-This is my driver's license weight. Who doesn't lie on their driver's license. Wouldn't it be great to know you're actually telling the truth? Wouldn't it be great to say that you're lying because that number is actually higher than what you are? Uh huh.
170 pounds-I think my lowest weight in my adult life
169 pounds-The weight I must be at to be considered overweight and not just obese with a BMI of 29.9
154 pounds-I told a friend a long time ago that if I got to this weight, 30% of my starting weight, I'd get a bikini wax. I said this thinking I would never, ever get down this low. It would be neat to call her and let her know that I finally let another woman apply hot wax to my girlie bits and pull.
140 pounds-What I think I'd like to weigh and the weight I must be at to be considered normal and not overweight with a BMI of 24.9

I guess what I'm getting at here is the idea of setting a goal puts a lot of pressure on me. It's an expectation that I will accomplish this task. It's all about about meeting a deadline. I just can't handle that right now. How do I feel about a reward system? Isn't seeing the number on the scale reward enough? Quite honestly, rewarding myself is probably why I'm here in the first place.

Instead of goals, I have things to look forward to. Kind of like you look forward to seeing new flowers each spring, I'm looking forward to seeing the above numbers on my trust scale.

Positive note: It's nice to see what I have to look forward to all mapped out.
Negative note: I just ate a 19 point breakfast. It tasted so good but I have 6 points left for the rest of the day, unless I partake in my flex points and I'm not so sure about that the day before my weigh in.
Something for tomorrow: not drinking water is not an option.

Today is Difficult

2009-10-24T17:09:00.002-04:00

Today is difficult.

This marks the first truly difficult day in nearly two weeks. Thursday was hard but I was able to keep myself in check and get my work done for the day. I made it through Thursday. Today, I'm not sure that I will be able keep it together.

Today, I'm bored. So bored that I can't even come up with anything to do. I've literally spent all day in my bed with the dogs. It's a dark and gloomy day, and I have no desire to go outside...Unless I'm being treated to a fabulous delicious dinner and possibly a movie. Anyone? Anyone? No? Okay.

I had an egg with toast and half a banana for breakfast. Three hours later my stomach was growing. Really? Yes. Totally. Normally I can make it a lot longer than that and I typically just have cereal. I had real protein this morning! Hunger shouldn't have happened so soon. I blame the boredom. I had the second half of last night's Subway. Satisfied by still bored.

Back to bed.

It's 5:30pm and I have 10 points left. Normally I'm working with at least five additional points but my breakfast of champions followed by my indulgent Subway has left me shorter than normal. Days like today I think why am I doing this? I could just as easily find a frozen pizza and happily devour the whole thing. I could have brownies for dessert. Then I could make stovetop popcorn with extra salt and butter for a snack. I can't fathom the days of points that an evening like that would be. But tonight I'm going to be good at eat 10 points. What that is at this point is beyond me.

Yes, today is difficult.

Mommy Issues Ch. 1

2009-10-23T19:46:00.003-04:00

My mother works four, ten hour days so she is home every single Friday. Today we went grocery shopping! Yes, not so exciting to you, but getting out of the house and spending someone else's money is wonderful for those that are unemployed, like myself. I fully expected my mother to pick up the chips, macaroni and cheese, Stoffer's dinner,and donuts that she usually brings home from the grocery store and to ignore my desire to bring more fresh fruits and veggies into the house.

Ladies and Gentlemen, she proved me wrong.

We came home with a 10 pound bag of apples, sweet potatoes, white potatoes, carrots, celery, and a whole slew of frozen veggies. She even bought me organic milk AND I got some grocery store sushi out of the deal! Sidenote: do you know how ridiculously point expensive a caterpillar roll is? Someday I'll figure the points myself, but today I calculated seven points for something that left me wanting more an hour and a half later! The overall experience left me completely shocked for most of the afternoon.

Mother Dearest hasn't been too supportive of this weight loss thing that I'm doing. She, too, is very overweight (more so that me even), but she doesn't seem to want to make any effort to lose it. She'd rather talk about getting her stomach stapled. Fine, Mom. Whatever. She hasn't necessarily been discouraging me from losing weight, but she makes unnecessary cheap comments whenever she gets a chance. When I'm measuring my food she makes comments-um, I think that's way more that a cup. I told her I was hungry at 3pm today. You've had a bowl of cereal and a cheese stick today. Do you know what I've had? Nothing! When I tell her that her eating habits aren't healthy she tells me that she doesn't care. Whoa! She starves herself most of the day and then binges at night. Um, Binging is bad, mmmkay? And the whole not eating really screws with your metabolism. I tell her this and she gets all pissy because I am telling her what's up. I lived with a (nearly)registered dietitian. I learned a whole lot. I just wish her moods and behaviors were more consistent. Her comment suck, but then she buys me a whole bunch of healthy foods. Mix signals, anyone?

It would be nice if she would either join me or leave me alone. My dad is doing this just fine.

Week 1 Day 3 of C25K today. Tiger Woods came on at the end and told me I completed my fastest mile today at 13 minutes and 25 seconds. Woo hoo! In other news, I joined a weight loss challenge over on LiveJournal today! It's week nine of a 12 week challenge but I can still throw my weight (ha ha!) around and become quite a contender. The final day is December 23rd. I set my goal to weight 195 by then. Cross your fingers and wish me luck!

Subway for dinner. I had enough points that I could get some extras on my sandwich, like Italian Herb and Cheese bread, provolone cheese, and light mayo. Delish! And I have half for tomorrow too.

Positive Note: Yay for winning the grocery store battle!
Negative Note: Boo for battling at all...
Something for tomorrow: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

Runner's High

2009-10-21T12:34:00.006-04:00

Week 1 Day 2 of C25K

We're feeling great! It wasn't nearly as bad as Monday's run. Even the dogs agree. Tessa stayed with the program and Lucy learned that she could still be the leader as long as she went a little faster than normal. A win for everyone!

I love my Nike+ for so many reasons.

1. It calculates your speed as you're moving. While walking I was moving right around a 15 minute mile. While running I was usually going about a 10 minute, 10 second mile though at one point I know I was moving at speeds of 9 minute and 47 seconds per mile. Coming from the girl that consistently got "Did not pass mile run" on her report card each year from fifth grade to tenth grade, that's pretty motivating! Yesterday I averaged 13 minutes, 58 seconds per mile and today I was down to 13 minutes 28 seconds. Woo hoo!

2. It calculates my distance. The cookie cutter neighborhood loop is just over 2 miles. That's a good walk, right? When I get into later weeks and start running more than walking (this week is 60 seconds running, 90 seconds walking) I can either repeat the loop or go down another street to add more distance.

3. It calculates my calories burned. Yesterday was 370 and today I clicked end work out before I was home so it only calculated 358. I don't calculate Weight Watchers activity points into my food journal, but if I did I think I'd earn about 3.5 points each workout.

4. It tells me me how long I've been going at it. Near the end of the running cycle when I feel like I can't take it, I can click the button and the little man tells me that I've been running for 25 minutes and 54 seconds and I think Thank God! Only a few more minutes till it's over! It give me hope.

5. Later when I plug my iPod in to my computer it's going to immediatly send everything I've done, including a chart that details when I was walking, running, and stopping to pick up dog poop, right to my profile on the website. I can see everything that I've done. Last time I gave this program a shot it was so need to see my improvements all in one place. Motivation, motivation, motivation.

I really don't think I could do this without my little $30 gem. You should get one. You need an iPod Nano (rumor has it that it won't work on other iPod models) and you should have Nike+ shoes. I have a pair of Zooms and a pair of Shox. I prefer to run in the Shoxs much more than the Zooms. I think nearly any Nike shoe has the Nike+ space. You can also purchase a holder for the device and lace it on to any other shoe if you're not a Nike user.

Think Nike should pay me for this? I do.

Oh and I've gotten out of habit of this and that's just not acceptable:
Positive Note: Woo hoo for running and feeling good!
Negative Note: Besides my breakfast milk I've only had about 8 ounces of water today. Bad kid.
Something for Tomorrow: Stretch stretch stretch those thigh muscles in the front above the knee (quads? biceps? aorta? I don't know!). Despite stretching before and after, they're killing me. Any suggestions?

The E Word

2009-10-20T09:34:00.004-04:00

I am not an exerciser. I never have been. I'd like to be, but 25 years of not liking exercise is against me at this point.

As a kid I was active. I was always outside, running around, doing the tomboy thing. Of course I was always the last one to arrive anywhere (hey, fat short legs don't move that quickly!) but at least I was out there with everyone else. I didn't consider that exercise though. I played little league softball for several years, and I was good. I quit when the coach favored her daughters and her daughters' friends over me. In high school I ran a few nights a week for a about three weeks. Then I got my period. That was the end of that! I took a week off to "deal with the cramps" and never exactly started again. During the Great Weight Loss of 2003 I was going to funk aerobics and sometimes water aerobics on campus and it was great. Then it got cold so I didn't want to be wet and a new drill sergeant straight from the spin class ruined the lighthearted ambiance that the fun ex-basketball player instructor created in the funk class. I quit. In grad school I joined Curves. Then my hips started hurting and no one could tell me how to stretch them properly (I've since learned) so I quit that too. Last spring I decided to try Couch to 5K and purchased new shoes, an iPod, and a Nike+. That lasted 2 weeks. Then I got a boyfriend and my running time became his time. Three months later he cheated on me. Bastard. But that's another blog...

I was chatting with a "friend" today and we were discussing The E Word. He has gone to the gym three times a week for 13 years. I explained to him that I've had gym memberships in the past and would take a class from time to time (Zumba, anyone?) but gyms intimidate the begezus out of me. All those sweaty men grunting in the mirror as they pump iron and the tiny women with the big rocks on their left hands running on the treadmill in sports bras...it's not me. I walk in there and I swear people look me up and down and wonder when they started letting barnyard animals into the Y. They wonder why I'm there. They start taking bets as to when I'll either keel over or quit. They watch me walk up to the machine and laugh as I tentatively adjust the weights. They wonder if the bench is going to break under the weight of my way bigger than gym average ass. They stop what they are doing and crowd around to watch me sweat and they cackle loudly, dab their perspiration with hand towels, and flex their muscles in jest as I struggle to get healthy. Okay, not really. But it feels this way. This is why the gym is not for me.

Since I'm been here and had lots of time on my hands, I've started taking the dogs on long walks around the cookie cutter neighborhood that raised me. This has been helpful but my successful week last week has inspired me to do more. Yesterday I stretched my legs and pulled out the Nike+. I put both dogs on leashes (normally Tessa doesn't require a leash) and tuned my Ipod to Podrunner Intervals. C25K here I come! It was hard! This past month of surgery followed by unemployment has really taken a toll. I am totally out of shape. Today my legs hurt. Yesterday my lungs hurt.

I don't think the dogs liked it either. Tessa, usually okay with running, wiggled out of her collar twice because she wanted to make friends with a neighborhood dog when I wanted to run. Lucy, furious to be on the Gentle Leader (I refused to be pulled down the street by my 25 pound dog and this prevents that), was also was super pissed during the running rotations because she thinks she does things on her terms and she would have rather walked. We'll learn to love this together. I am going to be an exerciser. I want to be a runner.

Wish me luck!

Oh oh-I had the best sandwich yesterday. Turkey breast, half slice of Swiss cheese, and some sour cream based onion dip on a slice of bread rang in at six points. Delicious. Dinner was meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans. Most of my points went to this delicious plate. I made the meatloaf with extra onions and carrots and thought it was fabulous and healthier than most meatloaf. My father wasn't thrilled with the extra vegetables in his meat. Whatever, Dad. You'll eat what I cook or you'll starve.

Weigh In Week 1 & An Award!!!

2009-10-19T10:32:00.006-04:00

As you know, I weigh myself every morning. I decided to only report my weight on a weekly basis. I chose Mondays for this because apparently I'm a masochist but I guess it will keep me from overindulging on the weekends. Anyway, last week I lost a few pounds and then spent 4 days hanging in at 217 pounds. Ug. Yesterday I made fabulous food choices and drank, drank, drank my water, hoping that by the morning some of my fat would be liquidized.

Wouldn't ya know it, I was correct.

If you take a look to the right you will see that my current weight is 214.5 pounds. That is a deficiet of 5.5 pounds! Go me! I rule! I did a little dance and then hopped in the shower and rewarded myself with an hour long Skype chat with one of my mates from Australia. What a great morning! Nothing like a scale victory to keep one motivated.

In other news, the lovely Ms. 100in12 gave me an award!

Here are the rules 1. Thank the person who nominated me. - Thank you thank you thank you! I just feel so honored like a won an Academy Award or something. It's really quite pathetic but as I wipe the tears of happiness from my eyes know that I am so thrilled to be nominated.
2. Copy the award and place it on my blog. Bingo
3. Link to the person who nominated me. Please see above.
4. Name 6 things people might find interesting. Please see below.
5. Nominate 7 bloggers. Well, I only have a five followers that I know will see this and ~~two~~ one of them doesn't have a blog, so I guess we'll nominate 4. (Oh and BTW-I want followers. I want people to watch, to keep me on track. If you're a lurker, please follow me. I'm nice. I don't bite. Too often, anyway. And usually I'm pretty funny.)
6. Post links to the bloggers I nominate.

shannongracepjs at The Incredible Shrinking Sharon
chubbyhunny at Free from Fat
Alison at Operation: 365
Eszter at One Forty Five Sorry I didn't add you earlier-the follower link doesn't take me to your profile or blog.

And now for my 6 Interesting Thingies:

1. When I was a sophomore in college (during the Great Weight Loss of 2003) I planned my entire wedding. I didn't even have a prospective boyfriend. I designed my dress, the venue, the guest list, the first dance, the bridesmaids dresses, I had it all. Oh did I mention that I was going to get married October 6, 2007? Clearly that date has come and gone and I'm definitely no where close to being married. Now, if I do get married, I say screw the big hoopla and elope to St. Thomas.

2. If you ask me, I think I'm f'in hilarious. If you ask a lot of my friends, I'm sure that they'd agree. Once when I was a kid I wanted to be a comedienne a la Roseanne or Rosie O'Donnell. I think I would choke during stand-up. I can improv with the best of them (thank you high school Drama Club) but all my myself I think I'd run out of material and start talking about my dogs and really, that won't get me very far.

3. I have two dogs! Tessa is a 3.5-year-old rat terrier. She's wonderful and perfect for me. I adopted her when she was two. I'm not sure what happened to her before I got her but I'm sure that she was mistreated and she probably had a few run ins with other dogs. She's come along way since our first meeting and now actually acts like a dog rather than a little snarling, shaking black and white lump. Lucy is actually my BFF's dog and she's a little over two. We got Lucy when she was 10-weeks-old and we were told she's a Jack Russell Terrier/Chihuahua mix and would grow to be about 12 pounds. Actually she's 25 pounds and looks more like a mini German Shepard but whatever. She's great too. She's living with me while her mom work for Residence Life at the University of Kentucky where dogs are not allowed. Lucy and Tessa are the best of friends-sisters from another mister, if you will, and have been since we all first lived together as a happy little family. Right now the pups are laying in the sun on top of each other like newborn puppies in a litter. Cute cute. So, our dogs have two mommies. You got a problem with that?

4. My favorite thing to eat is Broccoli Cheese soup. Panera makes the best. In a breadbowl, it's fabulous. I will never give this up. If I'm having a bad day, it's smart to bring me a Polar Pop of diet coke and a bag of Dove Chocolate Squares. That, on the other hand, is something I've taken to only sparingly lately. Sidenote: you should really visit the Polar Pop link. It's hill-air-e-us!

5. I love going to the grocery store. Someday I'll be rich and buy everything organic. I was inspired to do this because one day at Kroger organic avocados were the same price as regular avocado and in much better shape. So I got them. They tasted so much better! And they say avocados are one of those products that are safe to buy non-organic. Pshhh...

6. I'm a huge honkin' liberal feminist. Please do not confuse this with a radical feminist. I love men and every single one of their parts and look forward to one day waking up every day next to one. I just think that women and men should be treated equally, especially in the workforce and in health and social issues I have lots of opinions and once a upon a time I was quite the little protester. It was the best time of my life.

I hope that amused you. It definitely amused me.

Failure

2009-10-16T11:45:00.005-04:00

fail·ure n.

1. The condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends: the failure of an experiment.

2. One that fails: a failure at one's career.

3. The condition or fact of being insufficient or falling short: a crop failure.

4. A cessation of proper functioning or performance: a power failure.

5. Nonperformance of what is requested or expected; omission: failure to report a change of address.

I consider last night a failure. Not an epic fail, such as heading to the Golden Corral and eating until I have to unbutton my pants and be lifted out on a forklift, but definitely not a success.

I guess I should start from the beginning. I had my usual 3.5 point breakfast of Cheerios, skim milk, and half a banana. I drank 32 oz of water while watching my Tivoed shows from the night before. Shortly after noon I found myself hungry. I looked in the fridge. There was some leftover chili, left over Johnny Mazzuti (egg noodles, ground beef, tomato soup, and velveta cheese), my left over Progressive soup from the day before that I wasn't too excited to try again, carrots, and the glowing mecha of leftover Olive Garden. My mouth watered at the thought of the chilled 1.5 in by 3 inch delicious nibble of lasagna. I stared at it for a moment. I considered the quarter breast piece of chicken parm that sat beside it and the breadstick, broken in half, that lay on top. My eyes returned to the lasagna as it seemed to personify and speak to me. I could taste the delicious noodle, beef, sauce, and cheese creation dancing on my tongue. I took a deep breath and wiped the nervous sweat off my brow. I figured that the little Italian gem would cost me eight points. Was it worth it? I frantically ran for my Weight Watchers book. I read in disbelief how generous Weight Watchers chose to be. I measured and calculated and thought and determined that yes, I could eat this wonderful little piece of noshy goodness for a mere two points. So I did. I didn't even heat it up. It was so fabulously wonderful and I'll savor the taste and texture in the days to come. Seemingly satisfied, I returned to what I was doing.

Shortly thereafter, the devil in my stomach let me know that had digested the lasagna similarly to how the Tasmanian Devil destroys cardboard boxes. So I looked and saw how much damage that chunk of chicken parm and breadstick would do. I decided to go for it because really, it was a reasonable amount of points. What wasn't reasonable was how good fried chicken topped with cheese and sauce is. What wasn't reasonable was that though the breadstick was old and kind of hard, it was unbelievably delicious with it's butter, herby, cheesy topping. It's really not good for me to look at this minuscule amount of unhealthy food and justify consumption by saying that it's an equal amount of points to the much bigger, healthier lunch I usually eat. Regardless, I consumed it in no time (though I did take a moment to heat this treat up) and was back to my business and my water consumption.

5pm rolls around and my stomach is growling. Knowing that I had the Tastefully Simple party to go to, I allotted five points to spend there (ha) and had about 10 points left to eat. I added about the Johnny Mazzuti and figured I could make that work. So I did. I had a lot more carbohydrate rich foods yesterday than I had been eating but it seemed to fit in with the points so I was okay. Psh. Yeah right.

Enter Tastefully Simple party. I made a deal with myself that since I was cooking I could lick all the spoons (tapped off and finished stirring of course) and try one bite of everything. That didn't happen. I licked the spoons and sat down and waited for the dips, cheese balls, sauces, breads, cakes, and chips to come my way. Not only did they come my way but they sat in front of me and so I had two or three samples. Bad girl but not terrible. Terrible came when the consultant needed my seat and the seat next to me to close out orders. My friend and I got up and went to the kitchen where the unfinished samples sat. Guess who finished the Cheese Chive Warm Dip Mix? Oh you guessed it. I also had another sample of Nana's Apple Cake Mix, Key Lime Cheese Ball Mix, various mayonnaise, cream cheese, and sour cream Dips, and of course another spoonful of Perfectly Potato Cheddar Soup Mix. Oh oh! And how do you think you consume these products? Tortilla chips, Twisty Grahams, and Bountiful Beer Bread! Woof. Standing in the kitchen, alone with a friend who equally enjoys the samples and had no will power for the fabulous bites of heaven was no good for this Weight Watching girl. No good at all.

I have no clue how much I consumed-it was one of those food binge blackouts. Any true Fat Girl knows exactly what I'm talking about. I just couldn't stop. I even left the kitchen but soon returned. My Valerie Bertinelli mantra "I love [insert deliciously bad food item here] but I love myself more" was completely forgotten. I left with a very full stomach, tighter jeans, and a little bit of ickiness from the sheer volume of diary based products I'd consumed.

So yes, I failed. But today is a new day and so far I'm on track. I've made good choices and I'm drowning myself in high quality h2o at the moment. My stomach feels better today though I am still reminded of my choices from the sexy bloat that I have happening. I will fail from time to time and it's okay. As long as I get back on track quickly this can happen without ruining everything. After all, this is lifestyle change not a diet, right?

Positive Note: Good choices today!
Negative Note: Bad choices yesterday!
Something for Tomorrow: Each day is new and filled with new opportunities for choice. Make good decisions.

The Joys of Eating. Out.

2009-10-15T00:14:00.004-04:00

Last night my mother announces that she has coupons for TGI Fridays so tonight my mother, father, and I were going out to dinner. Usually I would be overjoyed by this! I love Fridays. In fact, at this very moment I can taste the California Club sandwich or the Chipotle Grilled Steak Sandwich, plantains on the side, in my mouth. As of late, I'd fallen in love with the Cobb Salad, which prior to this week thought was a healthier choice due to the word "salad" being in the title. Really everyone, I'm smarter than that, but I digress.

Anyway, last night I start planning my meal. I spent over an hour searching the TGI Fridays menu and googling nutritional information. Do you know how hard that is to find? It's ridiculous! I don't understand how shitty little fast food places like McDonalds can post their facts on the wall, but even the items on the ~~diet~~ *damnit!* I mean, "lighter fare menu" have no nutritional information listed. I visited Dottie's Weight Loss Zone and she only had drinks listed. I visited Diet Facts and again came up short. Finally, after hours of googling, I found The Daily Plate. There, I found that my old favorite the California Club has 702 calories and 20 grams of fat. Holy Cannoli! That's not even counting fries! The Chipotle Grilled Steak sandwich was definitely no better and you don't even want to know about the Cobb Salad. Let's just say if I consumed that I would be done eating for the entire day.

I researched some of their easier on the hips entries and was increasingly frustrated. What should I get? Will I like it? Will I feel like I had the priveledge of eating out? How do I eat for the rest of the day?

I looked very seriously at the Cedar Salmon Pasta dish but if I ate that I'd feel like I was not enjoying the opportunity. I ordered the Key Lime Shrimp in the past and remembered the feeling of eating my cajun shrimp and lime drenched broccoli. I didn't feel right. I wasn't satisfied. The broccoli was too raw and the shrimp were not filling, not to mention that everything was coated in so much lime that I considered asking for tequilla and ice to make a nice broccoli lime margarita. Long story short, this taught me a valuable lesson-you can't undergo a lifestyle change (there! I did it!) and live life feeling unfilled!

Tonight I ordered the Santa Fe Chopped Salad. This beast was huge but mostly made of lettuce. It included a light sprinkling of tomatoes, red onions, and cheese with black beans, corn, and avocado. Additionally tortilla strips and a grilled chicken breast decorated the top. The dressing (on the side to dip my fork only, of course) was chipotle ranch, which packed a decent punch.

Everywhere on the internet said that the salad was 500 calories with 10 grams of fat ringing in at a healthy 11 points. Let's hope, anyway. It was absolutely delicious. The avocado was perfectly ripe and melted in my mouth. Dipping my fork in the dressing cut my portion literally in half, yet still gave me the creaminess that goes so well with salad fixings. If I wasn't watching my weight, I would have probably complained about the amount of lettuce versus other goodies in the salad but tonight I'm okay. I'm fulfilled. I'm satisfied. I definitely feel like I went out to dinner and won the battle tonight. Go me!

In other news, my friend is hosting a Tastefully Simple party tomorrow night. Tonight I went to help her get ready, which means I cooked. I did a lot of spoon licking. Most of the time I didn't even realize it till I was pulling the spoon out of my mouth. Cream cheese spreads, mayonnaise and sour cream dips, beer bread, and apple cake all danced on my tongue tonight. I decided that was worth 3 points?? I'm not really sure. If that's the case I'm okay but I can't spare much more than that...Tomorrow will be the real challenge.

Positive Note: I totally drank 66 ounces of water at home and another 2 glasses at the restaurant. Woo hoo! Success!!
Negative Note: Mixing spoons and Tastefully Simple (Tastefully f'in delcious!) creations are no good for this girl
Something for tomorrow: Plan ahead for the party tomorrow night. Don't lose control!

Scales and Stuff

2009-10-13T11:29:00.007-04:00

Today's topic: Scales

In this house we have two scales. My mother has a rotary scale with the little arm that points to your weight. It has to be calibrated to be used correctly but you just have to shift the little arm to zero using a little dial. When my mother bought it she was super excited. Apparently it's a good scale? Anyway, I own a digital scale that rounds weight to the half pound. I like it. I'm happy with it. It's easy to read. I don't have to calibrate it. Simple, right?

Yesterday morning I jumped on my mother's scale and the little hand went directly to 217 pounds. I had to squat down and squint in order to see exactly where the hand had stopped but it clearly told me that I was hanging out between 215 pounds and 220 pounds. Directly after than I put my clothes back on and went down to the basement to dig up my digital scale and upon finding it I promptly ripped off my clothes again and weighed in at a whomping 220 pounds. Damn. What the hell is that? Did I gain three pounds on my way to the basement? Did all the air I sucked in as I wiggled out of my clothes miraculously turn into three pounds of additional fat somewhere on my body (probably ass, to be honest with you)? No. It's the difference between the rotary scale and my fancy schmancy digital scale. This is something I don't understand. Which is correct? Which should I follow? Why is this so difficult?

Personally I'm going to use the digital scale. It's in my bathroom. It's much easier for me to read. I don't have the check it each morning to make sure the little hand is on zero. Plus, if I'm having a rough day I know that I could just walk down the hall to the parents' bathroom and get an instance three pound pick me up. Never mind that my digital scale told me that I actually had a gain this morning of 1.5 pounds compared to yesterday. That's kind of frustrating but I'm going to keep on keeping on and pretend it didn't happen.

What do you use?

So let's take a side road for a bit. Weigh in day. There's a lot of talk about when you should weight in. Weight Watchers uses the once a week method. In a lot of online communities they also preach once a week, yet studies have shown that women that weigh themselves each day see better weight loss results. Personally, I'm a control freak. I often times weigh myself daily even if I'm not ~~dieting~~ err...undergoing a lifestyle change. I need to know where I'm at and where I'm going. Furthermore, if I have the opportunity I typically jump on the scale throughout the day just to see what's up. Yes, I realize that this is no good for a shrinking girl's psyche as my weight fluctuates like Tyra Banks hairstyle throughout the day but I do it because, like I said, I'm a control freak. The fluctuations don't bother me though. The only weigh in that really matters is that post-pee, pre-breakfast, right before shower, nearly naked every morning weigh in. Perhaps these should be post-pee, pre-breakfast, right before shower, nearly naked weekly weigh ins. Nah, I can't let go.

For further reading on the weigh in debate check out this article weighing (pun intended) the pros and cons of daily weigh ins. Here's another fellow blogger's comments as well.

Tonight I am making a crock-pot roast with carrots, potatoes, and onion soup mix (with a couple of cloves of garlic and of course some salt and pepper). Beef shoulder is point expensive but I've been craving it so we'll just have a lighter snack today than we did yesterday.

Off to finish my Progressive Soup lunch. What I really want is a #1 from McDonalds. Or Burger King (with cheese, of course!). Ooooo....a #1 from McDonalds with a Whopper with cheese from Burger King and a medium Wendy's frosty. I'm salivating.

Positive Note: I'm not exactly starving today.
Negative Note: That damn pound and a half...
Something For Tomorrow: Pick up the damn water bottle, fill it up, and drink!

Oh and I went with the teeny tiny little Dove Chocolate Square last night. Heaven...

Day One

2009-10-12T19:12:00.003-04:00

The first day of any ~~diet~~ *ahem* lifestyle change sucks. The first four days typically suck terribly for me. By day five I get back into the grove. Today was no different. I was starving and highly irritable by 5pm, an hour and a half before dinner. Gah. I wish this part was easier.

Tonight's dinner was homemade shake and baked pork chops that came in at a cool 7pts with boxed rice (5pts) and veggies (2pts...corn, carrots, and peas). Over all I took in 24 points so I have a point or 2 to use. I would really like an Edy's Strawberry Whole Fruit Bar (one point of pure goodness) but I'm so cold right now! I might settle for a Dove Dark Chocolate Square but with 5 points per serving and 5 squares per serving, I'm not sure that 1 point per square is worth it. Then again, it is so good...

For the pork chops I used a mixture of 1/4 bread crumbs, Italian seasoning, garlic parsley salt, black pepper, dry mustard, onion powder, seseme seed, and seasoning salt. I put the chops in the seasoning bag, shook them up and baked them at 350 degrees for about 50 minutes (flipped once). Delicious.

Positive Note: I did it! I made it through day one!
Negative Note: Those damn chocolates are so point-expensive...
Something For Tomorrow: Drink more water!

Obligatory Biographical First Post

2009-10-12T09:31:00.005-04:00

So let's talk about being fat!

I've been fat my entire life. My mother denies this. She says that I didn't get fat until high school. No, no, no. I remember thinking I was fat when I was 3 and was told that I was too heavy to carry. Thanks for that, mom and dad. In elementary school I was teased for being fat and when I asked my mom if I was fat she said hesitantly, "No, you're plump." Since then I've had a negative connotation with the word "plump" and even when it's spoken of positively ("the strawberries were so plump and juicy") I shudder a bit at the sound. For the record, my mother also denies that she has done anything requiring me to someday seek therapy...but that's another blog...

In 7th grade I cut out red and white meat and lived on tuna. That lasted about a year. I don't think I did this for weight loss (probably more of an adolescent political statement) and I'm nearly certain I didn't lose anything. In fact, when I started eating meat again-the first week I had a cheeseburger for breakfast, lunch, and dinner each day-I'm pretty sure I gained.
In 10th grade I cut out carbs for a month and lived on tuna, bacon, and green beans. I lost 20 pounds and felt good but I missed mashed potatoes and sandwiches. I'm pretty sure I gained at least 30 pounds back, probably within two weeks of consumption of my first carb-it was a blueberry camper pie at my friend Kasey's house, if you were wondering.
My sophomore year of college (2003 for those of you keeping up) was my embark onto Weight Watchers. I had some copies of an old book that mother gave me and I worked my way through it. I started attending a dance aerobics class once or twice a week. Eventually I went on e-bay and got the real books but never attended a meeting because something about sitting in a circle with other fatties and announcing "Hi my name is Ashlee and I'm fat" wasn't appealing. My plan was successful-I went from 227 down to 172 at my lowest. It was quick and dirty. I was also making it my goal each day to eat less than the day before. I should have been eating 22-27 points per day but I remember days when I went to bed happy because I'd only ingested 14. That's not good at all.
By the time the summer between sophomore year and junior year rolled around I was slowly falling off the bus. Once I leave the bus, it's so difficult for me to get back on.

Since then, I start Weight Watchers again pretty much every Monday. Though it's relatively easy for me to lose weight when I make a good effort, gaining is also easy. Regardless, I always wind up in the 220's as if my body is predestined to be there. I'm not buying that. At 5'3" on a good day, I'm supposed to be between 107lbs and 140lbs. While for me that's not realistic, I'd be thrilled to be in the 150's. I like a little junk in my trunk.

In mid-September 2009 I had my tonsils removed. Liquid diets are pretty much successful at quick weight loss and so I went from around 227lbs down to 212lbs in week or so, according to my mother's scale. After I starting eating real food again I gained 5lbs easy, which is what my mother's rotary scale says today. My electronic scale puts me at 220lbs, after my morning pee and wearing only undies. I suppose we'll start with that.

So why now? I'm motivated by my small amount of weight loss thanks to the tonsillectomy diet. I've got two great friends that are doing Weight Watchers-one lost 80 pounds and is still losing and the other is just starting the program and already being so dilligent that I'm inspired. My mother (I'm sure this blog will be filled with mommy issues) is over 100 pounds overweight and had a conversation with the doctor about surgical options. I think she's better than that and I'm hoping that we can try this together or she can at least develop some motivation from me.

So what am I doing now? Well I'm back with the Weight Watchers books. While the support groups and online system looks incredibly appealing, I'm job searching at the moment and severely broke. Instead of going to the gym, I'm going to walk my dogs and hop on the yet to be touched (though it's 3 years old!) elliptical in the basement. I might go to the library and rent some Jillian Michael's dvds. We'll see. That might be getting ahead of ourselves. I've also started a private blog as a food journal and a place for me to write about my physical health, all the nitty gritty stuff that you don't want to hear about, I'm sure.

Ug, my stomach is growling...